smoking kills - klaus hargreeves | the umbrella academy

chapter five

9 pm rolled around, and the children were finally let off to do their own thing. as long as they stayed quiet or in their rooms, of course. they gathered in klaus's room, ready to hear of this strange girl who tried to join the umbrella academy. klaus lay slouched on his bed, vanya sitting next to him, and five next to her. diego sat on the spare chair klaus had, and ben and allison sat on the floor, looking up at the three kids on the bed. luther stood, his arms crossed.

"alright, so," allison said, "details. what happened?"

klaus shot up from his laying position. "i'll start! so, there we were–"

"i'll start," five interrupted, giving klaus a pointed look. klaus frowned and laid back down, crossing his arms and mumbling to himself. five continued, "so this girl came up to the door and tried to join the umbrella academy. dad told her that unless she had some sort of power, she couldn't join. so she said she's really smart, as if that was going to get her in somehow–"

"you're leaving out the important part about dad calling us stupid," klaus said.

"he said that?" diego asked.

ben sighed. "he's said worse, you know."

"to a stranger, though?" allison said. "that's kind of awful."

"she's not a stranger! we know her!" klaus said. allison, diego, and luther all gave each other a look. they turned to vanya. she simply shrugged.

"klaus, you ruined my dramatic timing!" five hit him on the knee.

klaus shot up again and hit him back. "ow, you turd nugget!"

"not this again..." ben muttered.

"wait– stop hitting each other– what's this about 'she's not a stranger'?" luther asked. "who is she?"

five faked like he was going to punch klaus again, just to keep him in his place. then he turned to luther. "klaus was a little bit misleading. me and ben have met her once. that's it."

"marie?" ben said.

"yes, it was marie! she wanted to join!" klaus grinned.

diego frowned. "but who is she?"

"yes, who is this random girl named marie and why do you guys know her?" allison said. "you guys are godawful at explaining things."

"blame klaus," five said, gesturing to the boy sitting by him.

"i'm choosing to ignore that statement because i am not going off-track, unlike someone," klaus shot a look at five. "i stay perfectly on-track. no sidetracks. straight to the point."

"oh my god." ben groaned, then turned to allison. "so one night when klaus was out on the fire escape, he saw this girl walk past, and, for who knows why, he decided to talk to her. unfortunately for her, she talked back and they became sort of friends? i guess. acquaintances? i don't know. but klaus got me and five to show her our powers because he said it would be 'interesting' and i had nothing better to do."

"you guys showed her your powers? you know that's not allowed, even ignoring the fact that you were talking to a stranger," luther said.

"hey, first of all, i was promised that klaus would make peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches for me for the next 6 months. which he hasn't done yet," five stated, turning to glare at klaus, who avoided the eye contact like it was going to make the situation better. "and second of all, who cares about dad's rules?"

"you're easily bought." luther scoffed. he didn't know why he expected anything different from five.

"i would've offered to not tell anyone about your little dinosaur play set you keep in your closet, but your power isn't cool enough to show off," klaus said.

ben turned to luther with a judgmental face. "dinosaurs? really?"

luther's face was tinged red. "that's blackmail! and i wouldn't have done it anyway!"

vanya decided to change the subject. "so do you guys know what marie was doing trying to join the umbrella academy?"

"yeah, what's the full story? i asked for details, guys," allison said.

"if only klaus hadn't interrupted me," five said. "it's not that complicated. dad did dad things and scared her away, turning her down. i'm not sure why she tried to join."

"do you think we maybe misrepresented what the umbrella academy is?" klaus asked. "maybe she was confused."

"she heard about our daddy issues," ben answered. "i don't know why she would think that's a good idea."

"daddy issues?" luther asked. "you guys are so weird."

"i think it makes sense," vanya said, quietly. "maybe she wanted to be special, like you guys."

"i agree with vanya. who wouldn't want to join the umbrella academy?" allison said, giving vanya a comforting smile. she returned it.

diego said, "yeah, that's cool and all, except for one slight problem–"

"–she doesn't have any powers," five finished.

"powers, shmowers. i say we let her in," klaus said. "i like her."

"well, it's not really up to us, is it?" luther said. "dad's word is final. he said she couldn't join."

"yeah, there's no use in arguing about it," ben said, looking down.

the umbrella academy went quiet for a long moment. luther broke the silence. "i guess if that's all that happened, i'm going to go back to my room. and klaus, don't let anyone catch you on the fire escape. he'll end up keeping the windows locked, and i like my fresh air."

"whatever." klaus waved him off.

ben got up from the ground, following luther out of the room. "i'll go with you, play set."

"god damn it, klaus!" luther hurriedly walked away as ben snickered, following him out.

"what did i do?" klaus put his hands out. he shouted down the hall at them, "i'm innocent!"

five put a comforting hand on klaus's shoulder. "that has never been true. anyway, goodnight."

five blinked away before klaus had time to be offended. vanya shuddered. "does he always have to do that so suddenly? being right next to it makes me feel like i'm gonna get sucked into a black hole or something."

"he's such a theater kid," klaus replied. "inescapable flair for the dramatics."

allison let out a small laugh. "he's so stuck up about it, too."

diego mocked, "you ruined my dramatic timing!"

"that was painful," klaus said, rubbing his knee where five had hit him earlier.

vanya smiled. "well, i'm going to head to sleep, too. goodnight, guys."

"goodnight," they chorused back.

klaus would've kicked the other two out so he could smoke, but he heard a strange noise. he looked at the other two, who seemed to notice it too. allison pointed outside, "what was that?"

klaus turned to look outside, as allison climbed onto the bed and trampled over him to get a better view. diego joined them, looking outside as well. a bottle cap flew at the window, hitting it with a clink! and then clattering onto the fire escape. the three umbrella academy kids looked down to see marie, glaring at klaus and motioning for him to come outside.