~<*>~ Pain in me ~<*>~

Chapter 27

Joshua rubs his eyes tired while he enters his apartment. He wanted to stay by Scoups' side, but he has to care for Wonwoo and Mingyu too, especially  after the concerning talk in the hospital. And besides, Woojin will guard him, so Scoups is definitely safe. 
"Oh, you're home", Mingyu says when he sees his roommate. Joshua nods and sits down at the kitchen table. Mingyu understands what Joshua is doing and he disappears in Wonwoo's room, only to come back with him a few seconds later. When Joshua sees Wonwoo wearing a cap, he lifts his hand in denial.
"You don't have to do that for me, there's no need to hide", he says and Wonwoo nods before he takes the cap and places it on the table. When the two have seated themselves, Joshua stares at them, trying to find out what has happened. The leader lets his eyes rest on Mingyu first and the worry almost drips off of his face. His eyes are heavy with tears, ready to cry. His lips aren't even close to smiling, but they haven't smiled in a decade. When Joshua looks at Wonwoo, his heart shatters. His friend looks tired, drained. He has no life left inside of him, no more motivation. It's gone, it's used up. Joshua knows Wonwoo pretended for a long time, but it seems like he can't even do that anymore. Joshua realizes with an aching heart that he has let them down. 
"If we're just going to sit here in silence, I could've stayed in bed", Wonwoo mumbles after a while and Joshua snaps back to reality. It's time to act like a true leader, it's time to actually care.
"I'm sorry," he says, "I don't really know what to say." It is true, he really doesn't. Should he apologize for being so distant? Should he inform them about changes in the group? Should he ask about what happened in the hospital? Joshua's mind is blurry and he can't seem to find something good enough. These two people have been through so much, what can he possibly say?
"I... I want to tell you something. It's about Jun", Joshua starts. He isn't ready to talk about the other things yet, he knows it will be bad.
"You banned him? We know", Mingyu states and Joshua looks at him surprised.
"H- How did you know?" Joshua stutters and Mingyu scoffs.
"Dino told us", he says and Joshua sighs annoyed.
"Of course he did", Joshua mumbles while he rolls his eyes.
"Why do you hate him so much?" Wonwoo suddenly snaps and Joshua feels his blood boiling inside. How could Wonwoo still care for Dino when he's in this state? Joshua knows for a fact Dino wouldn't do the same for Wonwoo.
"Maybe because he's the reason that Scoups is in the hospital right now and he doesn't even have the guts to take his responsibility", Joshua states dryly, but both Mingyu and Wonwoo aren't paying attention anymore. Joshua realizes the word hospital must have hit them hard.
"Was it really that bad?" Joshua dares to ask. He's glad to close the subject 'Dino', that jerk already gets enough attention. Mingyu sighs deeply and suddenly starts to cry. Joshua blinks surprised, but his heart shrinks knowing this is a sign: it really is bad. 
"There's nothing they can do anymore, it's over", Mingyu sobs and Joshua looks at Wonwoo in pity. He fought so hard, but he didn't succeed.
"Stop overreacting, jeez," Wonwoo snaps, "they said I had a very little chance in surviving, but the chance isn't zero." Joshua nods his head slowly while his mind is racing.
"And what is the chance you will actually survive?" he asks careful.
"Five percent", Wonwoo mumbles while he looks down at his hands.
"And if he survives, it's going to be really tough, so basically we need to stop hoping", Mingyu adds and Joshua blinks shocked.
"I didn't know it was this bad", he whispers and Mingyu slams the table, causing Joshua to flinch.
"Of course you didn't! You're never home, you don't even care about us!" he yells angry and Joshua scoffs offended.
"I do care! I am a leader, it's normal I have a lot of work to do!" he shouts in return and Mingyu opens his mouth to say something else, but Wonwoo interupts him by standing up.
"Can you all stop!?" he exclaims and both Joshua and Mingyu look at him startled.
"I may be dying right now and all you do is fight! I don't want my last moments to be like this! I don't want to give up, I want to keep fighting until the very end", he says and a silence falls down on the three roommates. Joshua realizes how hard he neglected them, he should really start doing his best now.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you needed me," Joshua mumbles while he takes both Mingyu's and Wonwoo's hands, "I promise I'll be there more often for you guys." Wonwoo nods thankful while Mingyu accepts it with a sigh. 
"Does anyone want some coffee?" Joshua suggests and Mingyu nods.
"I can use some", he states and Wonwoo declines. Joshua wants to go to the counter to make coffee, but his phone starts to buzz. 
"I'm sorry, I have to take this", he says and his eyes widen when he recognizes Jun's number on the screen.
"Jun?" he asks and he soon gets an excited voice in return. When he hears the news, his mouth opens wide and he stares at the wall shocked.
"What? What's wrong?" Wonwoo asks triggered.
"Scoups woke up," Joshua says disappointed, "and once again I wasn't there." Before Wonwoo or Mingyu can even say a word, Joshua turns around and storms off, ready to go see his older friend.