~<*>~ Pain in me ~<*>~

Chapter 44

Scoups stares at the wall while he's sitting down on the couch. He feels like he failed like he has never failed before. How could he let Wonwoo die like this? Couldn't he just think better and care for Wonwoo's health? He closes his eyes while he keeps repeating Mingyu's words in his head: You're killing Wonwoo. You're killing Wonwoo. He killed Wonwoo. He should have stopped right there and get Wonwoo off the robbery, he could have done the transfer himself. He could have found a better way to get away from the Parks. Hell, he could have never let Wonwoo participate in the first place. He knows Mingyu blames him and he doesn't even mind because he's doing the same thing. No one else but himself is responsible for Wonwoo's death. Scoups wasn't even slightly mad when he noticed that Mingyu tried to kill him last night. He wasn't even shocked, wouldn't he at least think about that too when someone would kill Dino? Defeated, Scoups sighs and opens his eyes again. He's looking at his laptop, but it's still a black screen. Scoups wanted to watch the database that they transferred, maybe that would get his mind off of this. But he couldn't get himself to do it without Wonwoo, so he's still sitting on the couch with a laptop that isn't doing anything. Then, his eyes glance at his bruised arm and he stares at it for a few minutes. He didn't only kill Wonwoo. He saved him. Scoups thinks back about the conversations they had at night. Now that he repeats them in his head, it's clear that Wonwoo knew he was going to die if he kept doing this. But he wanted to. He wanted to live life the fullest before it ended. Scoups only helped him. He places his hand on his arm, causing a dull pain to rush through his body. He smiles softly while he repeats the sentence in his head: He saved Wonwoo. He saved him. The sound of the front door opening pulls Scoups back to reality and he looks up startled, only to lock eyes with Dino. 
"I'm home", he says with a sad smile and Scoups nods.
"Where did you go?" he asks, trying to keep a conversation.
"I visited Wonwoo, he's still shining bright", Dino answers and it surprises Scoups that the brunette talks about his friend as if he's still alive. 
"That's good", Scoups responds.
"What are you doing?" Dino asks while he points at the laptop on Scoups' lap.
"Oh, nothing", he mumbles before closing the device and putting it away. 
"Well then, I'm going to call Mingyu", Dino says and a few seconds later he's already gone to his room.

A few hours later, the two roommates eat lunch together in the kitchen. Dino is quite talkative while Scoups pretends to listen, but his mind is somewhere else. He thinks back about this morning, when Mingyu woke up. His confusion, his anger, his emptyness. Scoups saw it all in his eyes. Mingyu left without a word and Scoups can't deny that he's worried. 
"I asked him to throw away Wonwoo's toothbrush today. It's almost nothing, but I think it'll help him", Dino tells him while he's back to earth.
"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" he adds, but Scoups isn't paying enough attention to answer the question.
"Should I visit Mingyu today?" he asks and Dino's eyes darken as he looks at his roommate. Scoups knows he interrupted the brunette brutally, but he doesn't seem to mind because he realizes Scoups needs his help.
"Do you really think that it's a good idea?" he asks carefully.
"You don't?" Scoups objects and Dino looks at his hands while answering.
"Well, I don't really think you're the person that Mingyu wants to see right now, if you know what I mean...", he mumbles and Scoups widens his eyes startled. How does Dino know about this? But then again he guesses that Mingyu probably told him.
"So you too believe that I murdered Wonwoo?" he asks, his voice trembling hurt.
"I...," Dino starts, "look, you have to admit that it isn't smart to keep someone who is ill up all night." Scoups stares at Dino in disbelief. He didn't expect him to think the same way.
"I tried my best", he whispers before he gets up and walks away.
"What were you even doing at night? What was so important to put Wonwoo in danger?" Dino asks firmly, causing Scoups to stop and turn around.
"I was trying to save him," Scoups answers, "I was trying to save all of you." Dino blinks shocked, but his eyes soon reflect confusion.
"But how can you save Wonwoo if you...? Scoups, wait!" Dino yells when Scoups turns around again and takes his jacket to leave. He can't believe that Dino thinks so low of him. He wants to go outside, but suddenly Dino grabs his arm. 
"He was my best friend", Dino whispers as if it explains everything. But Scoups can't ignore the touch of accusation in his voice. Scoups firmly pulls his arm out of Dino's grip and stares right into his eyes.
"I'm sorry I failed you", Scoups spits out before he walks away for real. He can still hear Dino calling his name, but he ignores his roommate. He wants to go to Mingyu. He needs to go to Mingyu. He has to apologize, make it up to him. If Mingyu can forgive him, maybe he can forgive himself.