Zedayah

Chapter 20- Dejected

When Zedayah come home she ready her lighter just incase the light was off like the usual scenario in the mansion. Although she's used in dark surrounding she's still a clumsy and to avoid tripping over on her own.

She knocked on the door first before entering and she was stunned by the beauty of her professor sitting in the living room while drinking wine.

He's staring at her like how she's staring at him. She's quite surprises because the lights are on and it was her first time coming home with the light on.

....

"I'm home Sir, have you eaten?" I casually asked hin like I usually do but in reality I'm very embareassed to show my face. Regarding on how I acted toward him earlier in the office...I'm so embarrassed.

"You're too late" ehh? I definitely told him that I'll be late.

"You gave me permission" I said but he suddenly frowned at me. D-did I do something wrong? This is the first time he looked at me like this.

"Yes I did but I never expected that it would be this late" he said with intimidating voice. My knees suddenly trembling because my legs hurts. Aside from his scary voice, my legs are really aches because of my new high heels.

"I'm sorry Sir, I won't be late again-

GrooOwL!

My God it so embarrassing! Why does it have to be now?! In front of Sir of all peaple! I should have eaten more earlier huhuhu.

" I think I'm haungry, I haven't had dinner yet " he suddenly said and I can't help but to secretly happy. Did he said that just so I won't me embarrassed of myself? He's really kind... But why he's glaring at me?!

Sniff sniff... I'm really shedding tears because I'm so touched and scared at the same time.

"Why are you crying?" There's no way I'll tell you why.

"My feet hurts hic hic hic" km

"Hayss you're making me look like a bad guy here" he came closer and carry me!!

"Kiyaa!!! Sir?"

"Stay still, I'll bring you in your room"

My heart feels like about pop out of my chest. His warm body makes me feels sleepy but what's makes me more nervous is his scent. I like it so much and I want to shove my face to him so I could smell him more. I'm so ashamed of myself for thinking such in decent tought to the person I respect the most.

He carefuly put me down on my bed and suddenly kneeled on the floor!

"S-sir you don't have to do this I-I'll do it myself" I said but he insisted to remove my shoes. I'm already done when he carry me but he's pushing me to the edge now. I don't want to feel something that I'm should never feel but Sir makes my heart nervous like this.

"Hays it swollen Zedayah, don't wear this shoes again." He's mad again but unlike earlier my hearts feel very happy now. The way he pressed my feel and the way he looked at me...is different.

"Stay still, I'll be back" he said and left.

I slapped my face to get a grip but what can I do when my heart is beating abnormally fast? He came back with basin and towel- don't tell me he's gonna wipe my feet?!!

"Sir I can do it on my own " I said but he's so stubborn! He put my feet in the basin with warm water and washed it. It's so refreshing... But...why je's doing this-

Ow! Brix kneeled down and put the shoes on my feet while Sir also kneeled down to remove then and even wiped my feet.

"...." so this is really normal for friends... But why am I so disappointed.. So there's no other meaning of Sir's actions, it just a gesture of a friend and there's nothing else.

"Don't do let yourself getting hurt like this, do you underatand?" He said while slowly drying me feet.

"Yes Sir, I'm sorry for causing trouble" I said and he stared at me again.

"From now own you're not allowed stay out late. It's our house curfew, you can only stay out before sun set then go home when the sun is set" He said and I just nodded. He's scolding me right? I think it's really my fault for coming home late.

"Didn't I told you to don't let anyone carry you again?" he said and I froze up. Did he regain his memories?

He sat next to me and stare at me. I looked away because I can't face him. I'm so nervous that made me wanna cry now.

"Why did you lied to me" he asked but I didn't answer.

"I'm asking you why" his intimidating voice is really scary. It feels like I'm being interrogated by him.

"I didn't mean to lie but I -

"It's all a mistake, everthing I said that night is just a mistake, I did not mean to say those empty words to you . I'm really sorry."

That was he said. I should be happy cause he remember what happened but I think it hurts my feeling when he appologized. I wanna cry but I don't want to show him my ugly side so I'll trying to keep myself compose.

"I'm sorry for lying... I just don't want to make you worried" I saw him clenching his hands.

"Listen, that kiss is my fault too, you can yell at me or slap me if you want" he said and I felt like I was abandoned again.

Oh God my tears fell down on their own.

"It may sounds excuse but I don't really like those stuff and I don't want to do it, not to anyone specialy you Zedayah. I'm so impulse-

"Shh I know Sir, It also my fault Sir so let's call it quits. I will stay with my friends every full moon and I'll make sure that.... that thing won't happen again. So let's stop appologizing to each other. Okay?"

"Oh...Alright then." He said and I just smile.

"Sir I'm quite sleepy Sir so I'll go to sleep first" I said and covered myself with my blankets.

I heard him close my door and the emotions that I've been holding on earlier is finally exploded.

I cried silently and press my chest cause it hurts. I don't know why I'm acting like this but I feels so dejected. When he mentioned that he hates the fact that he kissed me makes me so sad.

I suddenly remembering how I was dejected by my own parents. It just so sad, I'm really sad. But what can I do? I'm just a failure that's why it's hard to be loved.

Since Sir hates it then I won't repeat the same mistake again. I don't want to expect anything nor assume tbat there's something when there are none. It will only hurt more if I'll mislead myself into something that never meant for me.

That night he said I was very special person in his eyes, he said I don't deserve to cry and he said It's easy to love me because I'm lovable in my own way. I knew that he wasn't sober when he said that and he didn't mean anything he said but for me it's a big deal. I took those word into my heart because even he didn't mean it, for me It's very meaningful. Even it's not real, I made myself believed. I wanted to hear those words in my life that's why, just this once..even it's not real.

Hic hic hic

I'm realy idiot. I'm hurting myself because of my own stupidness. I can't blame Sir cause it's partially my fault.

We still have six days left before the fullmoon and there's a semestral masquerade Ball in the same day fortunately the ball will be held after lunch not in evening. Hays...I'm so tired- Ow...I suddenly remember Brix. Fortunately he meant that kiss. He likes it and didn't regret it.. If only Sir was like him...then I'm might be the happiest person.

To be continued...