✨My Life Stories✨

You are your enemy

Caution: This chapter contains themes like self loathing and self harm.

I closed the door and began to cry my heart out. Sitting in front of the mirror, I looked at my pathetic self.

My own mind twisted petty little things into vile thoughts. And it filled my entire being like poison.

It hurt. A lot.

We had come to attend my uncle's house warming ceremony. And it didn't go well since the beginning.

My relatives had already began to comment on how far I became. And listening to those comments made me self conscious in my own body.

"Hey, will you take a photo of us?" My brother handed me his phone as he posed with our cousin. I plastered a fake smile and snapped their photo.

Unbeknownst to them, I was lamenting on the inside. He feels embarrassed to take a photo with you... A voice in my head parroted.

And it was right. He didn't take a single photo with me throught the occasion.

As we looked through all the photos, my cousin sister commented, "Why is chudhi in only two photos?" And let me tell you, it was a family photograph. There was not in a single photo were I posed alone or with someone.

That made something in me snap. I quickly ran to our home nearby and locked myself in the room. And that's how I ended up crying in my room...alone.

No one is here to acknowledge your absence....no one cares about you....

I felt the voice in my head grow louder and louder. I quickly wiped my tears as I saw some of my family members approaching.

Wearing my mask again...
___

A resounding crash heard across the household. The maid immediately rushed in. "I already told you I would do it. And see, you've given me more work"

The maid didn't seem to care about the boiling milk that spilled on my feet. Tears pricked from my eyes. But it was not from the milk.

"I mess up everything...."

___

Disappointment filled me as I yet again, didn't win the competition.

I sighed as I looked over to the side, looking at my brother.

I felt something nagging at me.

'You embarrass your brother....he's won several singing competitions and you? All you do is mess up at the last minute. You're useless...'

And that voice was right. My stage fear messed everything up for me. Sometimes, it would be my voice, other times, I would forget my lyrics.

___

"She has made you a video for your birthday. And you don't even care about it?"

My mom asked my brother who was sprawled across the sofa.

"It's cringey, mom. Moreover, all the photos make me look terrible."

Hurt filled my heart as I heard him from my bedroom. Drops of tears fell down my drawing as I drew on the paper aimlessly.

You are embarrassing him....

___

I looked through my brother's insta story excitedly. Even a photo of me would suffice.

Nothing.

On my birthday, all he did was wish me before locking himself in his room. And it wasn't like he didn't open his Instagram.