The musical story of Mr Spock and Dr. Leonard Horatio McCoy.

I Try To Be The Best But I'm Just This

Song : Why Am I Like This? by Orla Gartlan
Universe : Kelvin

Plot : Leonard is trying his best to keep his emotional blow outs to a minimum, avoiding the usual bickering banter him and Spock have, but is finding it harder than he thought. After having a little moment of weakness, he feels guilty he can't be nice to his boyfriend. This leads to an identity crisis and Leonard decides to finally talk to Spock about it.

Triggers : Self-Doubt, Guilt, Injury, Swearing, Insults

Relationship : Spock x McCoy (Dating)

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Leonard and Spock had been going strong for nearly 4 months now, and it was going great. They would spend their lunch breaks together and talk about whatever plant or mission they were currently dealing with. After their shifts Spock would often come to his quarters to spend some alone time together, either cuddling or watching some old show. Sometimes they would have a date night where they would cook together, other times they would spend some time on the observation deck together.

Spock was still getting used to being able to actually express his emotions, but Leonard understood. He was patient and gentle when it came to Spock's emotions. He hated that growing up on Vulcan had taught Spock his emotions made him flawed. They didn't. His emotions made him Spock. While Spock was still learning to have open communication when it came to his emotions, Leonard was making sure he kept his close to his chest.

After they had begun dating, Leonard felt it would be better if he stopped the bickering and little quips at Spock. It felt weird not having there usual bickering, but something deep down inside told him if he continued Spock would get angry at him and leave, and Leonard really didn't want that. When Spock had asked Leonard out, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had been sure that there would never be a chance the Vulcan would want to date him, but for some reason the chance was there, and Leonard was going to make sure he did his best to keep this chance for as long as he could. His last relationship had ended badly, as everyone knew, and Leonard wasn't letting that happen to him and Spock.

So he did his best to stop the little comments and insults. It had been easy, for awhile, but after 4 months it was proving more difficult. It was how Leonard expressed himself. Using sarcasm and being irritated at the people he loved. Trying to stop that was hard. So after a very scary moment on an away mission where Spock had come back injured, Leonard didn't think before speaking. He was quickly healing Spocks wounds and muttering angry words to the other.

"You think your so logical, maybe use that logic to not get injured hmm?" He grumbled, his worry and anxiety clear in his tone. "I apologise Leonard. I did not mean to get injured, it is not always so easy." Spock said and groaned alittle as Leonard touched a bruise. "It will take a few days for the bruise to heal up, but other than that your fine. Your not to be on duty for those few days, got it? If I see your green blooded ass any where near the bridegroom of the labs, I will drag you to the brig and keep you there until your healed. Got it?" Leonard said before quickly realising he had snapped at Spock. And insulted him. Again.

Spock just nodded alittle before sitting with another groan. "Understood, Doctor. I shall see you late in your quarters?" He asked before leaving Sick Bay, not even letting Leonard respond. As soon as the doors closed he let put a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Damnit.." He mutterd, heading into his office and sitting down, his hands holding his head as he layed it on the table.