I Want To Be Okay

the start I guess

I was born in the middle of nowhere to a shitty racist homophobic secist fucking area, I hold alot of resentment to that I guess, I dont know it was a farm i would say thats my childhood home but I was there untill I was 5, then when my dad was working I was taken to this place and sent to fostercare, she said she would come back, I think she was my dads second or third wife i dont really remember well, she said she'd be right back, I was in fostercare untill about 11 years old and I would not wish it on my worst enemy, I cant really say if being back with my dad was worse or better than fostercare though. In fostercare I had a new family about every month if not less time at times, I was also put on ALOT of pills so idk. I was cut cold turkey by my stepmom when I had gotten home from fostercare by my stepmom which btw she was the only reason I was even sent back to my dad was cuz he got a wife because I guess he was seen as he wouldn't be able to care for me because of my issues which, is true. Though ig I'll never know if it would've been different if I was never taken away I dont really know? But when I had finally begged enough to get sent to public school this girl on the bus when she heard who I was was so shocked she actually sat behind me which was not her seat to be able to talk to me and got really quiet and asked why I was back? I asked her what she meant and she said I healed you were taken from your dad cuz he touched you like inappropriately? I dont know how true that is to this day and I never asked my dad; you'll understand why as the story goes on I guess.. though I do have vague memories I had an older brother and this was on the farm so this was before I was in fostercare since he wasn't there when I was back around 11 yes old but ....he did stuff to me ill just say I mostly remember being in a wierd room trying to tell my dad and this other adult I wasnt lying and that he touched me and my dad kept accusing me of lying but I wasn't I know because to this day I remember that attic and him overtop of me but thats it Really...I dont know? That's not my worse SA childhood memory anyways.
(Sorry im prone to ramble, and jump topic to topic)