Raat Akeli Hai | 𝒂𝒏𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒋

IX. promise and war

anupamaa :

I stood in silence.
The edges of my eyes felt like a broken dam. Tears streamed down, as I stood wordless.

His hand still holding mine, his eyes still looking into mine.
The look, I knew.
I had never expected it from him in this lifetime.

It was the look of love, the look of yearning, the look of wishing you were held with the same warmth that you extended.
It was the look I had for twenty five years, that he never noticed.

I gulped, feeling overwhelmed.
Aakhri pyaar?
Puri zindagi sirf aapka pyaar banne ki khwahish mein bita di maine.. aur aaj jab mera sab chuth chuka hai.. bharosa toot chuka hai.. dil bikhar chuka hai.. aap kehte hai ki mai aapka aakhri pyaar hu?

"Janta hu tumhe mujhse koi humdardi nehi thi-"

"Patthar nehi hu mai, Mister Shah.", I said finally looking up.
Acknowledging the locked up chest in my heart.
"Aapse humdardi nehi thi?", I smiled, amused.
"Jab aap khaai mein gir gaye the na Anuj ke saath.. sab logon ne kahan aapne unhe dhakka dia.. mai thi.. mai thi jo aapke liye daleelein de rahi thi..", I said, I could hear my voice breaking.

"Aapka cafe.. yaad hai aapko Mister Shah? Maine aapka saath nibhaya.. aapse dosti ki.. aur uske badle kya diya tha aapne mujhe?", I asked him, asking questions I never did.
I did not expect anything from him, but now, if he claimed to love me, I should.

I pulled my hands away from his grip as he stood in silence, eyes averted from my face.

I wiped my tears, clearing my throat.

"Aap par bharosa kia.. lekin aapne Mukku ke emotions ke saath khelne se pehle do baar nehi socha.. aapne mujhe zillat di.. bura bhala kahan.. lekin maine aapka saath nehi choda.. mujhe kya kya nehi sunna pada..", I could feel my heart wrench.

But today I was going to vent it out to him.
I was done, too tired, too exhausted.
I took a step towards him, letting my emotions finally take over me.

I held the collar of his black shirt.
I could see the tears in his eyes, veiled behind his newfound spectacles.

"Jawab dijiye, Mister Shah.. aapne mujhe sirf parivaar ke liye chaha.. Anupamaa tum Devi ho.. meri kismat ho.. tumhari wajah se yeh ghar ghar lagta hai.. Sach toh yeh hai ki swarthi hai aap.. sab swarthi hai.. aap.. anuj.. sab! Sabko bas mai isiliye chahiye kyuki mai sab theek kar deti hu.. bas!", He glanced at me, guiltily.
I pulled him by his collar.
Frustrated with any claim of love.

"Arrey aap log toh itne besharam the.. ki mujhse swarthi ghoshit kar diya.. kaunsa swarth tha mera aapke baa bapuji ka khyal rakhne mein? Aapne kaha tha mai panauti hu.. yaad hai aapko? Paanch saal aap nafrat ki aadh mein mujhe yaad karte the.. aur paanch saal aap aur aapke pyaare bete ki mujhse kahi baatein mere kaano mein gunjti rahi!", I shook him a little, letting my voice break.

"Arrey aap toh aap.. jis Anuj ne janmon janmon ke pyaar ka vadaa kia aaj woh aise aage badh gaye jaise kabhi kuch hua hi nehi.. woh khush hai apni zindagi mein.. jiske liye mujhe aapne aur aapke parivar ne na jaane kya kya kaha.. Dadi ki shaadi.. yeh voh! Saare taane sunke, duniya se jhagadke jisse shaadi ki.. usne tak mujhe swarthi keh diya.", I said, looking him in the eye.

He strictly looked away.

"Kyu? Ankhein nehi mila paa rahe? Sach nehi suna jaata?", I demanded.