Diablo - A Forgotten Feeling

Stuck in my thoughts

The floor of the Keep was far from what any person would call comfortable. The old, moldy, hay and tattered blanket weren't in for the top level of comfort either but, a safe place to lay was better than literally anything else. I had my eyes closed but I never really felt like I was asleep. All my senses were always at work no matter the place. I kept thinking back to Lyndon and the patrol, the whole scenario kept repeating in my head and the look of fear towards me didn't sit right. I've seen his expressions many times before since we've been on this journey and I'm accustomed to his look of fear even when it was directed at me but this time just sat in my stomach wrong. An approaching presence alerted me and I opened my eyes to find Kormac with plates in his hands, he sat himself down beside me as I sat up right and looked at the plate he offered, a piece of bread and a slice of meat, I accepted. He silently started to eat his, taking his time to eat as a way to savor the portion. Unlike Lyndon, Kormac knew that not every second should be filled with senseless noise so it was nice when it was just a quiet moment with him. As I chewed my food my mind kept going back to Lyndon. Which kept irritating me being stuck in my thoughts about him.

"Something on your mind?" Kormac asked.

"No."

"Really? Because I think I've been around you long enough to know when something's on your mind." He used the remainder of his bread to wipe up the juices left from the meat, "And that took a while to figure out" he chuckled while putting the bread into his mouth and looked at me expectedly for a response.

"If there were something on my mind I wouldn't tell you." I said.

"Oh what a shock coming from you but, such as the life of a soldier and warrior I suppose. Carry all our burdens and the worlds on our shoulders until we fall and our purpose is served." Kormac set the plate down and pulled out a flask of water he kept on himself. Having a drink he offered me it next, accepting I took a sip; it was cold and had a strong mineral taste to it, wiping my mouth I handed it back to him.

"That's just how it is correct? Can't share your thoughts with your own comrades in arms." He said very nonchalantly as if just stating common knowledge. I huffed at that and continued chewing the last of my meat, "You don't share your own thoughts so why should I share mine with you?" I said between chewing, he pondered the response and nodded in agreement, "Yes. I suppose that's a reasonable point. Comrades in arms we are indeed." He said with a chuckle and taking another drink. As we continued with our conversation Erina and a guard walked by with an arm load of items talking about something, she laughed at their conversation. Kormac's eyes lingered as they walked away, a look of longing in his eyes.

"I can also tell when something is on your mind." I said. His face turned the palest shade of pink and he shook his head as if dismissing a thought, "I don't understand what you mean," he straightened himself and cleared his throat, 

"Carry all our thoughts on our own I suppose, even from ourselves." I said as his eyes seemed to look back towards the direction she went; he hesitated a moment,

"I...My Order does not allow such...emotion driven thoughts...it is not a part of our way-" He stopped a moment, "I mean...it is not apart of their way...they do not allow such emotions." Saying those words felt forced in a way as he looked down as if trying to engrave it into his head, he revoked his oath and swore vengeance on the wrong doings of the order he once saw in a blinding light of faith. "It is something I cannot think to indulge in though." He says bringing back his stoic, soldier look. I didn't express any outward emotion but something nagged at the back of my thoughts. "They will get what they deserve, but I must say that you are a true asset to have Kormac and you don't need to be part of some order to be seen that way, and they don't control your thoughts, actions, or emotions anymore." I said looking to where Erina had gone, basically everyone knew how he felt but he never acted on such thoughts cause of what he thought he was suppose to repress. And whether Erina knew of his feelings or not she has not made anything known to the rest of us. But maybe he'd act on his own one day, if we survive.

A heavy burden indeed to carry. 

We had changed the subject and were discussing our next move when the laughter of children stopped our conversation, looking towards the sound Lyndon could be seen with two children, one was on his back and the other was brandishing the hilt of a sword at him; all three were laughing at the game they seemed to be playing. As Lyndon dramatically acted out a monster's fearsome display he locked eyes with me. His hair was tousled from the rough housing, the coat he usually wore was removed and his shirt was hung loosely on him, breathing heavily sweat beaded his face from the participation of being the children's form of amusement. His smile briefly wavered upon realization of what he must've looked like and there was some emotion in his eyes I couldn't understand. Seeing us staring at him he quickly led the children warriors away from view, his face flushed pink. My eyes followed as he continued on away from view, the children's laughter never stalling, and my thoughts began entangling themselves with confusing notions. As I unknowingly let my eyes linger, Kormac looked at me with the barest hint of a smile, "Such is the life of a soldier." He said softly to himself with the undeniable tone of sadness underneath.