ONLY ME || Haikyuu x Male

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Ren woke up to dead silence and the white walls of an infirmary.

I'm feeling deja vu...

He sat up in the bed that he was lying on, surveying the room around him. There was a curtain drawn around his area, and beside him, Sugawara was seated on a chair, resting his head on the mattress. The third year looked up at him as he moved, relief washing over the silver haired boy's face.

"Hasegawa! You're awake!"

Ren didn't respond at first as his thoughts raced around, trying to connect all the dots. All his memories were a blur in his mind, but the last thing he could remember clearly was when he'd served right to the Seijou libero. "You're here. Then does that mean...is the match over!? What happened?"

Sugawara looked surprised at his outburst, confusion replacing the relief on his face. "Why are you concerned about that? You broke down in the middle of the match. You should be worrying about your own health, not whether we won or not."

"This happens sometimes. It's whatever. Not important. Tell me, Sugawara, what happened? Did we lose? Did...Did I cost us the win?"

His senior took his left hand gently, running his thumb over Ren's knuckles. Sugawara's touch was soft, and it sent chills spiraling down his spine. "We didn't win, but it wasn't because of you. Seijou is a powerhouse school. We all weren't prepared enough."

Ren sighed deeply, running his free hand over his face. Exhaustion hit him like a semi truck, and partnered with the tightness in his chest, he was feeling a little faint. "I'm...god, I'm so sorry. Will you tell the others that I'm sorry? I'm so sorry that they had to see me like that. I'm sure that it affected their performance, seeing something so...disturbing."

Sugawara looked mildly horrified at his words, and Ren shifted uncomfortably under that gaze. "Why are you worrying about the team? Hasegawa, we're all more concerned about you. What happened? None of us noticed that anything was wrong, and then all of a sudden, we turned around and you're crying and you look like you're being attacked by nothing. You looked so scared...It wasn't the situation that disturbed us. It was the thought that you might not be okay that was really frightening."

Ren lowered his gaze to look at his hand that Sugawara was still holding onto. He'd never really explained his condition in detail to the silver-haired boy, despite the fact that it was because of him that his senior had been on crutches for such a long time. Perhaps it was time that he really explained all of it to Sugawara.

"I...I experience psychosis. I'm not schizophrenic. I don't have any sort of underlying mental illness that causes psychosis. Mine is a symptom-or more like a result-of very severe stress and anxiety that I experience. It used to be much worse-but I fixed it! I...I did everything I could to limit how often it'd hit me. But when I get really, really scared or upset or frustrated, it just...explodes. Sometimes it's just a small explosion, like mild little hallucinations, but sometimes...sometimes it turns out like that. Or like that time when...when I hurt you." Ren took a deep breath. "I haven't experienced a psychotic episode like that in a really long time. I-with everything, all the factors, I guess I just couldn't...I'm sorry, Suga-san."

He didn't realize that he was crying until Sugawara stood, moving to pull him over in a hug. Then, the tears really started flowing, forming rivers down his cheeks. "It's okay Hasegawa. You're okay."

He wrapped his arms around Sugawara, burying his face in his senior's chest. His tears dampened Suga's jersey, but he didn't seem to mind. "I'm sorry..."

"There's no need to apologize, Hasegawa. You were scared. That's no fault of your own. So don't blame yourself for that."

"But...I freaked everyone out..."