ONLY ME || Haikyuu x Male

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

Ren woke up to a migraine and the white walls of an infirmary.

Again...?

He sat up in the uncomfortable infirmary bed that he'd been lying in, head swimming as he surveyed his surroundings. He was enveloped by a white curtain again. He was alone again. And he'd hurt someone. Again.

Ren sighed, leaning forward to cover his face with his hands. The blanket fell away around him leaving his torso feeling cold. There was really something wrong with him. He couldn't even be safe when he was fully aware of his actions and fully in control of his own body. It'd be so much better for everyone if he just disappeared. Then, maybe Daichi wouldn't have gotten hurt. And maybe Sugawara would have never broken his leg. And maybe they wouldn't have lost that one match against Seijou.

At the end of the day, it all boiled down to him. His fault. Always his fault.

A rustling caught his attention and he slowly raised his head, making eye contact with a disheveled, out-of-breath Tobio. "Ren! You're awake!"

The boy rushed over, jumping onto the infirmary bed that Ren was sitting on, eyes round and eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Thank goodness! I caught you when you blacked out on court, and it was awfully scary. I thought that maybe the collision had really hurt you, and I was really afraid that something terrible had happened to you."

"So I ended up burdening you too?" Ren turned away, scared that if he kept looking at Tobio, he would end up crying. "I'm really sorry, Tobio. I didn't mean to cause trouble for anyone. I thought that...well for a while there, I thought I'd gotten better, that maybe I could finally be on the same level as you guys without dragging you down. But I guess now that's all been proven wrong."

He looked down at his hands, calloused and marked from all the issues he'd caused in the past. Every line of his palm carried a story, and few ever painted him in a positive light. "I really am pathetic, don't you think? I've hurt so many people, and all I can do is lament about myself. Selfish, huh? God, I wish I could just disappear. Everyone would be better off without me in the picture to mess it up."

Ren's self-antagonizing mumble was met by a brief moment of silence, and then Tobio was grabbing him by the shoulders, pulling him closer until they were just a volleyball's length apart. Ren was surprised by the amount of emotion swirling around in those dark blue eyes, and he surprised himself by not spilling out in tears right at that moment.

"SHUT UP! Just, shut up. Don't talk about yourself like that! You're not a danger. You're my whole reason for being. You keep me going because you are why I tried to get better and you are why I even wanted to get better. I worked so hard so that someone as amazing as you would even spare a glance down to my level when you were surrounded by better players like Shirabu-san."

Shirabu-san? Where did he fit into all this?

"And I'm sorry for acting so jealous when you gave your phone number to that blondie, but I was just so angry! Because you're such an angel and you deserve the entire world! And I hate when you talk down about yourself like this because everything you think is wrong about you is completely out of your control. It was Daichi who crashed into you, not the other way around! You were not at fault."

Ren blinked, his mouth slightly agape. "Tobio..."

"You are an angel, Ren. I love you for that! For being you. And when you let yourself live without tearing yourself apart, your halo shines brighter than the freaking sun! And it makes me fall in love with you all over again. So don't talk bad about yourself as if you aren't a blessing to everyone around you!"

Ren willed himself to speak. But he only gaped, his lips opening and closing like a fish. Tobio's face was slowly turning pale, as if suddenly realizing what he'd let slip during his rant, and his expression made it seem as though he'd seen a ghost.

"Wait, Ren, I-"

"You love me?"

Tobio was silent, but his reddening cheeks said what he couldn't. Ren didn't know what to say. What was one supposed to say in such a scenario? He'd never been confessed to before, and being in this situation was making him nervous.

Did he even feel the same?

He adored Tobio, of course. The first-year had been there for him through many tougher moments, and they were fairly close. Ren was sure that he loved Tobio, but had he fallen in love with the boy? Did his feelings extend beyond friendship?

The answer to that, he didn't know.

Ren reached out, his hands wrapping around Tobio's waist, head falling against the boy's collarbone. He felt Tobio's breath hitch, and shaky arms met his back, giving him reassuring pats. "I'm sorry, but I don't know what to say. It's all so much, I'm not sure how I feel. I care for you, I really do, but I don't know to what extent yet."

He tilted his head up so that he was looking into Tobio's eyes: pools of navy that swam with a myriad of indescribable emotions. "Will you wait for me, Tobio?"

"Until the end of time, Ren."