ONLY ME || Haikyuu x Male

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

In the immediate aftermath of their qualifier match against Seijou, Ren broke away from his celebrating teammates, dragging Tobio along with him towards a deserted hall just adjacent to the gymnasium. Everyone else was scrambling around, gathering their belongings as they were eager to return home and properly prepare for tomorrow's match against Shiratorizawa. But before they left, there was something he had to settle.

The two of them were silent as they walked, Tobio complying alarmingly complicity with being kidnapped. Given the amount of tension that was hanging over their heads, Ren had no doubt that the setter understood, at least to some extent, what they were about to discuss. It made his eyebrows furrow, thinking about how he was going to go about confronting this issue, and for a moment, after they arrived in the dimly lit hallway, neither uttered a word.

"You were amazing out there today." Tobio's mumbled praise broke through the silence, though he pointedly avoided eye contact. It was likely just an attempt to break the ice, not a legitimate compliment, but Ren appreciated it all the same.

"Thank you. I'm glad I was able to be a help for our teammates." Another uncomfortable stretch of silence settled upon them. "Actually, that's sort of what I brought you here to talk about. I know you and I have some things to clear up, and I wanted to hash it out so that it doesn't impact our gameplay tomorrow. I think we can both agree that it's too important of a match for us to allow outside variables to interfere."

That comment seemed to unnerve Tobio, as the first-year looked downwards, averting his gaze towards the floor. A simple act, but one that was enough to tell Ren that he had been right. The setter really had brought their personal matters into the match, causing their festering emotions to mess with both of their performances. He wasn't blameful about it, of course. Having to deal with the stress of being neither rejected nor accepted would surely have a big impact on anyone.

It just hurt, knowing that someone so important to him was slowly turning away.

"By 'settle things', do you mean you have an answer for me?"

The question caught him off guard, and Ren hesitated for a moment, faltering at the hopeful sheen in Tobio's eyes. For a moment, he really considered lying to the boy. But ultimately, he shook his head, firm in his uncertainty. "No. I'm sorry, but I don't have an answer for you yet. You must understand that with the qualifiers still ongoing, there hasn't really been time for me to process how I feel about you."

"Are you sure?"

"Excuse me?"

Tobio took a deep breath, hands clasped in front of his abdomen in a near-anxious manner. As if he were fearful of what was about to happen. "Are you sure that you aren't answering me because you don't know if you like me like that? Or are you not answering me because you hate me for how I told you?"

"What? No, I-"

"I know I confessed really suddenly and at a moment where you were really vulnerable." The setter cut off Ren's explanation, clearly unintentionally. Tobio seemed so impassioned about what he was saying that it was almost like nothing else was registering in his mind, and the words fell out of his mouth like a waterfall. "I didn't mean to ambush you! I know that I've liked you for a while now, but I wanted to tell you at a better time so that you would be comfortable in saying what you truly felt about me. But it went all wrong, and I messed everything up! I never wanted to hurt you or force your hand in any way. But when I confessed like that, it felt like I was pressuring you into saying that you returned my feelings. And after putting you in such a terrible position, I couldn't possibly risk doing it again. I thought that you surely hated me for what I did. How could I act all friendly around you when I was so inconsiderate?"

Ren was frozen, jaw agape and eyes round with shock. He hadn't even considered the notion that Tobio was distressed over how the confession happened. All this time, he just assumed that the setter was upset that he wasn't responding, not that there had been something toxic about the declaration itself. "Is that why you've been a bit cold? Because you thought that I hated you because of how out-of-the-blue it was?"

At this point, there were obvious tears welling up in Tobio's eyes, and it broke Ren's heart to know how agonized the first-year had been over this whole ordeal. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to be manipulative like that. I just - I don't want to lose you, and I really hope you can forgive me, and maybe we can go back to how we were before I was such an idiot."

"Wait, so you aren't mad at me for not answering you?" That probably wasn't the most appropriate response to the heartfelt plea he'd just received, but Ren really just wanted to get that clarified before he focused on anything else.

"No, of course not!" Tobio waved his hands frantically, hurrying to deny it. "I could never be mad at you, and I totally understand how complicated this is. I just assumed that you disliked me for how I confessed, but you didn't know how to tell me because we're still friends. So I distanced myself to make it easier for you to say that you don't want to associate with me anymore."

Tobio raised a hand to wipe away his overflowing tears, and the sorry sight triggered something in Ren. Without much thought, he grabbed the setter's wrist, gently pulling it downward and lifting his free hand to brush away the droplets that had marked trails on the first-year's pale cheeks. "I don't hate you, Tobio. I never have, and I doubt I ever will. Before you brought it up, I hadn't even thought about how the confession went down. I was busy grappling with my own emotions, and didn't think that the circumstances in which it happened would bother you. I'm sorry for being so negligent of your feelings."

"Wha-please don't apologize! It isn't your fault!"

"Maybe not, but I should have been more conscious of you. Either way, I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me. You've been one of the most understanding people I've ever met, even if you are a little oblivious every now and then." That elicited a sheepish smile from the setter, which sparked up a bit of hope in Ren's chest. It definitely calmed the intense mood, and made him more confident as he continued on with his explanation. "I can promise you wholeheartedly that the reason I have yet to respond is because I don't know how I feel. For the longest time, a romantic or even platonic relationship wasn't even a dream I could have because of my condition, so this is all a bit new for me. Knowing that people can love me and I am allowed to love other people. I just need time, Tobio, to work through my own shit before I can answer you in good faith. But I promise that regardless of what my decision is in the end, I could never hate you because of it."

Tobio grinned, and in an instant, the setter had pulled Ren into a tight hug, which he returned without a moment's hesitation. "I'm so happy to hear that! And please know that even if you decide that you don't feel the same way, it won't affect our friendship. I care about you not because I like you, but because you deserve to be cared for. That will never change."

Ren sighed in relief, allowing for those words to sink into every fiber of his being, massaging the tension out of his soul. This felt right. Being so isolated from his friend had felt disturbingly lonely even though they hadn't known one another for very long. He rested his chin against the first-year's shoulder, letting his eyes fall shut as he relaxed into Tobio's embrace.

"You have no idea how much that means to me, Tobio."

"If it's even remotely similar to how much you mean to me, then I think I do, Ren."