ONLY ME || Haikyuu x Male

CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN

Ren couldn't remember the last time his apartment unit had felt so lively. With his mom and younger brother staying the night, the space felt less empty. Less lonely. Because it was. They'd watched a movie together on his laptop with the lights all dimmed and a mound of popcorn situated between them. He was absolutely on cloud nine by the time the film concluded, overwhelmed by the exuberance that his family brought with them. He missed this, he realized. Being able to surround himself with people who loved him unconditionally. How long had it been? Six years? Seven years? Whatever the case, he had been craving this bonding time for a while now, and he was dreading the arrival of the next day because then he would have to say goodbye.

I'm not ready to be alone again.

He headed into the kitchen, cleaning up the oily snack bowl in the sink. Hideyoshi had fallen asleep on the couch, and his mother finished tucking the kid in before joining Ren beside the counter. "Hey, how are you doing, sweetie?"

"Oh, I'm good! I know how to do the dishes, mom." He smiled, setting the bowl back into the cabinet before drying off his hands on a nearby towel.

But his mom only laughed, shaking her head as she gave him a firm pat on the shoulder. "That's not what I meant. You've been a bit quiet today, and after such a big win with your team, I expected you to be more vocal. Is there something going on with you? Boy problems, perhaps?"

"What, no! Maybe. Yes, actually. Wait- how do you know that I'm gay?"

"Sweetie, please. I'm an absent mother but I'm still your mother. Of course I know. Well, that and I saw the pride flag hanging in your bedroom, so." His mom leaned against the countertop, putting all her weight on her left hand. The sly smile stretching across her face made him stutter and stumble over his words, embarrassment and humiliation flooding through him all at once. "Now, what's up?"

Ren sighed, hesitating for a brief moment. He wasn't the best at articulating his feelings, and he didn't want to ruin such a nice evening with his family. But he could really use an outside perspective on the whole Yu-Tobio situation, and there was no better advice than motherly advice. With a final deep breath, he poured his guts out in his pantry-sized kitchen.

From beginning to end, he stood there, detailing every last aspect of the story to his mom. How he and Yu had first become friends, how the libero had always been there for him, even during his time at the hospital one long year ago. He wasn't sure he would have been able to withstand everything that he did if he hadn't had Yu by his side, and he couldn't imagine a future without his best friend. But did that future involve any romance between them?

And then there was Tobio. The sweet first year setter who'd been so quick to accept him and so understanding of his problems. Someone who never pushed him beyond his boundaries, who took every possible measure to ensure that he was comfortable. When he'd had that terrible psychotic episode not too long ago, it had been Tobio who'd rushed to the infirmary to visit him, Tobio who comforted him, quelling all his worries and stamping down his self-doubt. But did Ren view the boy as anything more than a friend?

When he finished rambling, a solid ten minutes had passed, but his mother still looked as attentive as ever. She had her arms crossed, hip pressing against the countertop. There had been a mild expression on her face all throughout his spiel but as soon as the last word left his lips, she broke into a smile, brushing a hand through her long brown hair, streaked with gray strands that she wore with the utmost pride. "Goodness, you really are popular. I suppose I always knew that my eldest son would turn out to be such a heartthrob. You were pretty popular in daycare, you know?"

"Mom, please..." His voice was muffled from his hands that had risen to cover his face, red hot shame bubbling up at the thought of his younger years. He didn't want to think about how ridiculous he'd been back then, and with all the other emotions rampaging through his mind at the moment, he wasn't even sure he'd be able to handle it.

"I'm just teasing, don't worry." She chuckled, straightening to wrap an arm around Ren's shoulders, pulling him close in an awkward side hug. Their height difference even made it a tad uncomfortable, but that didn't stop his mother's determined rant. "But seriously, I can't tell you who to pick, or if you should even pick anyone at all. You know them better than I ever will, and ultimately, you're the one who will be impacted the most by your decision. However, I will tell you this. If you do end up accepting one of those two boys, choose someone who will always choose you. Choose the lover that will cherish you no matter what obstacles you face, choose the friend that will be there for you to fall back on, and choose the partner that will work through problems with you together. Deep down, you already know your decision because you know what feels right to you. I'm telling you to follow that feeling."

Ren relaxed into his mother's touch, processing the wise words. What feels right to me? Who feels right to me? They're both such important people in my life, but who is the person that I treasure more than any other relationship in my life?

A name bloomed in his mind almost immediately after he posed the question to himself, a sense of certainty following soon after. At that moment, he knew. There was simply no doubt about it. He glanced over at his mom, and as soon as their eyes locked, she ruffled his hair affectionately, giving him a gentle nod before pulling away. Ren watched her leave, content flowing through him like a delicate tide. But his peaceful resolution was interrupted when his mom paused at the entrance to the kitchen, turning back to gaze at him with a weary look in her hazel irises.

"And one more thing, sweetness. Choose the person that never treated you like your father did. I made a mistake in marrying him. You aren't something broken that needs to be fixed, so don't ever let another man tell you that again."

With that, she disappeared from view, returning to the living room to check up on Hideyoshi. Ren sighed as she left, reaching up to his face to wipe a stray hair away from his eyes. That final message from his mother only solidified that the person he chose was the right one for him. Now, all that was left to do was to confess to the both of them. To tell one that he felt the same, the other that he couldn't.

They both matter to me, just in different ways. I hope that he doesn't allow this decision to change our friendship, because even though I don't share his romantic feelings, he's still such an important person in my life.

But I have to do what's right for me. And he is exactly that. I don't want to be alone again, and I'm certain that he will make sure I never am.

A/N: I'll be writing a Nishinoya ending and a Kageyama ending because I couldn't pick haha. They'll be posted as separate chapters, and I'll be publishing Kageyama's first. Stay tuned :)