One Step Closer to Perfect

one foot in front of the other

'How are you feeling?' Beth asks softly as she glances over at Steph who has Charlotte curled up against her chest.

'I'm okay, I think... I had a few nights the first week or so where I just felt so tearful about everything and anything but that does seem to have passed now.' Steph replies and Beth nods her head.

'How are you doing?' Steph asks.

'I'm getting there. The tablets are definitely kicking in and I don't feel so, I don't even know what the right word is to use but I definitely am beginning to feel a bit more like myself.' Beth replies causing Steph to smile.

'That's good, I'm really glad. I'm sorry that I wasn't really there for you when things were really tough.' Steph says causing Beth to shake her head.

'Don't be silly. You were heavily pregnant and I absolutely was not putting all of that on you. I got there in the end with a little push from Leah.' Beth replies.

'Is Viv up for national duty? How will you feel if she gets called up?' Steph asks causing Beth to sigh.

'I'm trying not to think about it... We had agreed prior the birth that she would be up for national camp because honestly I assumed I'd be fine by now and I guess physically I am but I just didn't anticipate it hitting me so hard mentally.' Beth admits.

'Have you spoke to her about it? It won't be too late for her to make herself unavailable for a call up.' Steph says and Beth shrugs her shoulders.

'I don't want to hold her back from national duty. I know how much she loves playing for her country.' Beth replies.

'Mm... But she loves you and Piper more, Beth. I think when you look at all of us, we all love playing for our countries. We all love getting that call saying we're going to be pulling on that jersey and representing our country but sometimes other things come first and I know you would be the first to make yourself unavailable if Viv needed you at home.' Steph says causing Beth to sigh.

'Maybe.' Beth replies and Steph nods her head.

'No maybe about it, I know you would... Just speak to her.' Steph says.

****

'Daar zijn mijn mooie meisjes.' Vivianne says smiling as she makes her way into the nursery where Beth is gently rocking in the nursing chair with Piper in her arms.

'Hey, you... Good day?' Beth asks glancing up at her partner who nods her head and makes her way over to the chair.

'I went over on my ankle during training but we don't think it's anything serious. I iced it and sat out the rest of the session.' Vivianne replies kissing the top of the blonde's head.

'Sounds painful.' Beth says and Vivianne nods her head.

'What did you guys get up to? Anything excited?' Vivianne asks.

'We went to Steph's for a little bit. Took round some cakes, swapped babies for some snuggles.' Beth replies causing Vivianne to smile.

'That sounds like a good morning. Do you have anything you want to do this afternoon or are you looking for a quiet afternoon?' Vivianne asks.

'We could maybe go do some Christmas shopping?' Beth suggests and Vivianne nods her head.

'Sounds good to me. Starting early is probably the best idea now we've got little miss to think about as well.' Vivianne replies smiling.

'C-Can I ask you something?' Beth asks quietly as she glances up at Vivianne before turning her attention back to Piper.

'Of course you can.' Vivianne replies.

'Do you think you're going to be called up for national camp?' Beth asks.

'No.' Vivianne replies confidently.

'How can you be so sure?' Beth asks.

'I made myself unavailable for selection for this camp... I'm not ready to leave you and Piper for that length of time so I figured you probably aren't ready for it either.' Vivianne replies causing Beth to shake her head as tears fill her eyes.

'I'm really not.' Beth almost whispers.

****

'So I was speaking to Jonas the other day about my return... Obviously we'd spoke about maybe I'd come back around January if I got the all clear from my doctors but I don't know if I'm ready to make a full return yet.' Beth admits and Vivianne nods her head.

'Don't rush it. Ease yourself into it and the team will be waiting whenever you are ready.' Vivianne replies as she glances at Beth in the passenger seat.

'Jonas did say that Piper and I could come with you guys to Tenerife... Even if I'm not fully training by then.' Beth says and Vivianne smiles.

'Yeah? How do you feel about that?' Vivianne asks and Beth shrugs her shoulders.

'The thought of flying with her terrifies me but I also like the idea that we're still going to be together.' Beth replies.

'I think the thing is you're not going to be flying alone with her, liefie... I'll be there and let's face it she's got an army of aunties who will be on hand for snuggles.' Vivianne says and Beth no ds her head.

'He said I don't need to give him a definitive answer right now so we've got some time to think about it... She has a passport anyway so we don't need to worry about that.' Beth replies and Vivianne nods her head.

'Oh absolutely. Don't need to rush into a decision.' Vivianne says smiling as she pulls into the carpark.

****

'Today has been nice...' Beth says smiling as she links her arm through Vivianne's who is pushing the pram.

'Mm... It has, hasn't it? It's been nice to just get out the house together, isn't it?' Vivianne replies smiling.

'I know the past few weeks haven't been easy. They haven't really been how we envisioned our first weeks of motherhood, are they? I am trying to get better though, trying to make a conscious effort to leave the house more.' Beth says.

'You don't need to try anything, liefie... None of it is your fault. Yeah, it hasn't been what either of us thought it would be like but I've got you and I've got Piper, that's all that matters. We'll just keep taking things a day at a time.' Vivianne replies.

'I love you.' Beth says causing Vivianne to smile.

'And I love you too.' Vivianne replies smiling.

'Why don't you get Piper in the car and I'll put the bags in the boot?' Vivianne suggests as they reach the car and Beth nods her head. Kissing Vivianne's cheek, Beth smiles before reaching into the pram and lifting Piper into her arms.

'You've been such a good girl on our little shopping trip, bubs.' Beth says smiling. She gets Piper sorted in her carseat before getting in the passenger seat while Vivianne gets in the driver seat.

'Home?' Vivianne asks.

'Home.' Beth replies smiling.