The Way We Say Goodbye

Chapter 10

I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs, hugging my knees closer. I rested my forehead atop my knees, and tears began pouring down my face. My body shook as I sobbed, whimpers escaping my lips. In that moment, I felt more broken than I ever had before. It felt as though my world was crumbling around me.

I had been sitting alone in my room, crying for over an hour. The longer I sat there, the more I broke. The pain I felt in those moments made me know that I was never going to be the same person I was when I woke up that morning. I was never going to be that same girl who had been so happy. I was broken, and at that moment, I couldn't see myself being fixed ever again.

I felt a warm hand rub across my upper back. An arm draped around my shoulder, and I knew it was him. He pulled me into his side in a silent attempt to comfort me. I took a shaky breath as I tried to calm down. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I didn't want to break like this in front of him.

He pulled my hair back, behind my shoulders and stated, "It's okay to cry. You don't have to feel ashamed to cry in front of me."

I lifted my head off my knees, and with a tear-soaked face, I looked at him. I knew I looked just as broken as I felt. "I don't want any pity."

"I'm not here to pity you," He began as he dried my face with the sleeves of his shirt. "I'm here to comfort you. I won't say anything if you don't want me to. I'm just here because you're hurting, and you shouldn't have to face pain alone."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer to him, unconsciously climbing into his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tightly. I pulled away to look into his eyes. He reached a hand up to caress my cheek, and I leaned into his hand. He leaned in closer, and I did too. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his. With his lips against mine, I could forget all that had happened. At least, for a little while.

I tangled my fingers into his hair and pulled him closer to me, deepening the kiss. He held me firmly against him. I ran my tongue against his lower lip as the kiss became more heated. He slipped a hand under my shirt and ran his hand against my bare back. Shivers ran up my spine, and I quietly moaned against his lips. He gently laid me on the floor and pulled away, hovering over me. He looked down at me with an intense and serious expression.

"I don't want to take advantage of your vulnerable state." He took a breath and rephrased what he was trying to say. "I don't want to do this if you're only using it as a distraction from what happened."

My heart broke a little at the realization that he feared I was using him to distract myself from the pain I was feeling. I gently caressed his cheek, and tears brimmed my eyes. I cleared my throat.

"I don't know what to say to that."

He pulled my hand away, teary eyed, and said, "You don't have to say anything."

He stood up and walked away. The tears began to flow again as I lay there and watched him leave. My heart broke more in that moment than it ever had before. In that moment, I felt truly alone. More alone than I ever had before. In that moment, watching him leave, it felt like a "goodbye." One that I never expected to come. One that I wished would never come. I sobbed at the loss of the one person I couldn't stand to lose.

Losing my parents had hurt more than I could imagine, but in the back of my mind, I felt that I'd be okay with Osbourne in my life. He made me feel so many wonderful things. As he walked away, all of those wonderful things went with him. I lost the person I thought would hold me together through all of this. I didn't know how I was going to survive all of this, and a part of me didn't expect to survive it.