The Way We Say Goodbye

Chapter 14

After spending the past months with Ozzy, it felt strange, lonely, without him by my side now. Even walking down the hallway at school felt lonely. I still had my friends, but it wasn't the same. Being with them, after everything that had happened, almost felt forced. The loss of my parents had left me feeling empty, but with Osbourne gone too, I felt like a puppet being pulled along through each day, feeling nothing but strings tugging me forward.

Glancing down the hallway, I saw Osbourne standing at the lockers with Bowie and Arvin. Nothing about them seemed out of place. Why was it so easy for him to return to his life before us, but I struggled to even socialize with the friends that I'd had my whole life? It wasn't fair. None of this was.

I turned away when Bowie caught me watching them. I quickly gathered the books I needed from my locker, slammed the locker door shut, and turned down the hall, all but sprinting to my next class. I silently wished that Osbourne would follow me, stop me from walking away. Each step further I took, my heart broke a little more. I took a deep, shuddering breath, pushing my emotions down, before stepping into the classroom.

The day was passing in a blur, and before I knew it, it was time for lunch. I sat in silence while my friends delved into conversations with each other. Every now and then, I noticed Joshua looking over at me. I knew he was worried about me, but there were no words to make him understand how I was feeling inside. A tug on my sleeve pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked down at my sleeve, then up at Violet.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I feel like we haven't hung out in forever."

I bit my lip anxiously and nodded. "Things have been pretty hectic lately."

Violet looked at me sadly. "I meant before...you know."

I nodded, appreciating that she didn't mention my parents. I sighed before pulling my phone out. I sent Violet a text, asking her if I could come over to her house after school before following up with a text clarifying that I wanted just the two of us to hang out. She smiled down at her phone before sending a thumbs-up emoji. Nervousness filled my chest at the thought of going over to her house. Something I'd done a million times before, but somehow, it felt different now. Things were different now. I couldn't help thinking how strange it was to feel nervous over hanging out with someone who had once been one of my closest friends.

The bell rang, pulling me away from my thoughts on my nervousness. I mumbled, "See you later," to Violet before scurrying off to my locker. As I approached my locker and put more distance between me and my friends, relief washed over me. The feeling surprised me for a moment before the realization dawned on me. It wasn't every person at that table that made me feel nervous and out of place. It was one person. Scarlet. I was afraid of what she might say about Osbourne or my parents.

I began pulling everything I would need for English out of my locker when I felt someone nudge my elbow. I turned my head to the side to glance at Joshua as I continued grabbing the things I needed. Sympathy covered his features as he spoke, "You doing okay?"

I shrugged and mumbled, "As good as I can."

"That doesn't sound very reassuring."

"It's not meant to be reassuring. I'm just trying to be honest with you about how I'm doing."

"Fair enough," he mumbled back as we made our way towards the English classroom.

Joshua and I sat in our usual seats, and it wasn't long before our teacher began the lecture. I scribbled in my notebook, not really listening to anything being said. It had been the same in my other classes. I just couldn't focus, and I wished I were anywhere else. As the class dragged on, a balled up piece of paper landed on my desk, pulling me from my scribbling. I looked at the ball inquisitively before lifting my gaze to scan the room for who may have thrown the paper ball. My gaze fell on Bowie, who motioned for me to open the ball.

With furrowed brows, I straightened out the paper and read the message scrawled across:

"Talk after class?"

I glanced back up at Bowie, who was watching me closely. I looked back at the paper and sighed. I looked back at him and gave him a thumbs-up in agreement to talking after class.

I began tapping my pencil against my notebook as I began wondering what he might want to talk about. An uneasiness settled in the pit of my stomach as I wondered if Osbourne would be with him. I glanced in his direction, and my heart clenched at the sight of him. Once tears began pooling in my eyes, I forced my attention away from him. I clenched my shaky hands and took a shaky breath. As I exhaled, I mentally told myself that it would be fine.

Class ended too soon for my liking, and Joshua and I gathered up our things and walked out of the room. Joshua gave me a side hug and promised to check-in on me later and continued on as I stood in front of my locker. As I focused on gathering what I needed for my next class, someone leaned against the locker beside me. Without looking away from what I was doing, I said, "Hi, Bowie."

"Del."

I pulled out my notebook and closed my locker door, turning my attention to Bowie, who smirked at me.

"What?"

He shook his head and pushed off the locker he'd been leaning on. "Nothing," he said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and began guiding me in the direction of my next class. "Can't I walk a friend to class without my motives being questioned?"

"Nope, absolutely not. Very out of character for you," I stated flatly.

"Okay, fine. I just wanted to check on you, see how you're holding up." He pulled me to a stop just outside of the classroom I needed to go in. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall, watching me as he waited for an answer.

I sighed and looked away from him. "I've been placed in a foster home, and the only house I've ever lived in is being sold."

"I'm sure that's all difficult to process."

I looked at him as my chest felt tight and nodded. "Can we not talk about stuff like this at school?" I asked as I looked away, tears forming in my eyes.

"Yeah, sorry. I just hadn't heard from you, and I wanted to check in."

I cleared my throat as I tried to swallow down the emotions that threatened to drown me. "Well, you could always text or call me. That's a good way to check-in without bringing me to tears in the hallway at school."

He chuckled and nodded, "Yeah, I'll try that next time. I guess I didn't think you'd be honest with me unless I asked face-to-face."

I smiled sadly and replied, "Yeah, you're probably right."

"I should probably get to class," he muttered as he began walking away. Before I walked into the classroom, he stopped and called back to me, "Del, don't push yourself too hard. It's okay to not be okay."

I stared at him for a moment before nodding and walking into the classroom.