The Way We Say Goodbye

Chapter 16

After leaving Violet's, I didn't want to go back to my foster home, so I started walking. I didn't know where I was going. I just started walking aimlessly. I didn't stop until I came to a cliff, looking out over the sea. While sitting with Violet should have left me feeling comforted, or at the very least, not so alone, I didn't. Standing there, the loneliness washed over me again, and I felt empty and alone again.

stood at the edge of the cliff, wind whipping my hair in every direction. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. I let out a shaky breath, and tears threatened to fall. My chest tightened, and I was, once again, feeling overwhelmed by emotion. I wanted to let go. I wanted to fall forward and to the ocean below. I wanted to drown my worries and sorrows. I wanted to bury all the pain that had begun to follow me everywhere I went.

I took a step closer to the edge, and tears began to pour. I knew I had no one left to save me. No one left for me to pretend for. No one to pull me back. A whimper erupted from my chest as I stepped even closer, now feeling the broken edges of rock and dirt at the cliff's edge. One more step, and it would all end. I took a deep, shaky breath and prepared to take the last step. I began to step forward as I shed a few final tears. Before I could free fall to the ocean below, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and pull me back. Whoever had grabbed me lost balance, and we both fell back with me landing on their chest.

I was hastily pushed off the person and pinned to the ground. He hovered over me, fury covering every inch of his face. He yelled, "What the hell were you thinking?!"

Tears streamed down my face, and I felt empty. I emotionlessly asked, "Do you care?"

Hurt replaced the anger, and he stood up. He began walking away from me for the second time. Processing what had just happened, I hopped up and angrily stomped over to him. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him to a stop.

"Who are you to stop me, then get mad and leave again? You walked away first. You don't get to be mad at me for my choices. Not when all you're going to do is keep walking away from me like everyone else in my life."

He ran his hand through his hair and chuckled bitterly. "You really think I walked away from you before? It was pretty clear to me that you were just using me as a distraction from all the bullshit in your life."

I felt my heart break all over again from hearing that statement. I turned my back to him so that he wouldn't see my tears and took a shaky breath. "I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

"You're really a dumbass sometimes," I mumbled.

He grabbed my arm and turned me back to face him and snapped, "Excuse me? I'm the dumbass."

His anger eased as he took in the tears streaming down my face. "Yeah, you're the dumbass. You're a dumbass for thinking my silence meant you were right. You're a dumbass for thinking that I would use you. You're a dumbass for not realizing that I was quiet because it broke my heart knowing that you thought that I would use you like that. You're a dumbass for not realizing how much you broke my heart when you walked away. But you know what? I'm the bigger dumbass for actually letting myself get close to you and actually letting myself fall in love with you. I'm the dumbass for thinking that you actually would surprise me and be there for me when my parents died. I'm the biggest dumbass for actually believing that you loved me too."

I pulled away from him, and this time, I was the one who walked away. I began my walk home, and not once did I look back.

Anywhere but Here - Mayday Parade