The Way We Say Goodbye

Chapter 24

The morning after making cookies at Bowie's, I announced to Earnest and Evangeline that I had decided to move to California to live with Nicholai. An awkward tension seemed always to be present between me and them after that. I began spending less time in their home and more time out with Zen.

Normally, Zen would pick me up, and we would meet up with everyone else. Zen had some things to take care of at home that night, so Havoc and Jewel picked me up instead. I slipped into the backseat, and Havoc started driving. We pulled up to the park near Bowie's house, and Havoc parked. I climbed out of the car, and Jewel grabbed my hand and twirled herself around. I chuckled and let her dance around me as we walked to where everyone else would meet us.

"Hey," Tess drew out.

I smirked at her and wiggled my fingers in a wave. "Hi, Tess."

"So what are we doing tonight," Jewel asked as she twirled around.

"What we always do," Zen said, bringing all of our attention to him as he walked up to us.

"I figured when you said you'd be late, it was because you were going to be busy showing Delta a good time," Tess remarked.

I rolled my eyes and smacked her arm before turning to Zen. "Why were you late?"

He pulled a baggie out of his pocket and answered, "I had to pick up the grass."

We decided stargazing with a game of puff-puff-pass would be the perfect way to pass the time.

I took a hit off the joint offered to me, and it wasn't long before the affects took over me. I laid down in the grass and looked up at the stars. Numbness washed over me, and I smiled at the nothingness I felt. Nobody paid me much attention after I took the hit, and I was glad for that.

So much had changed in my life over the past six months, and it would only be one more month until I would move two states over. I was ready to leave everything behind and start over. I was tired of all the brokenness I felt. A fresh start would be the best thing for me. Better than the solution that I had come to at the cliff.

My thoughts and the feeling of nothingness were cut short when a familiar voice filled my ears. Even in my high state, I couldn't stop the tightness in my chest that I felt anytime he was near. I wanted to get up and leave. I wanted to disappear before he saw me. But I couldn't get up in the state I was in. My body felt too heavy to move, so I continue to lie where I was, staring up at the stars. I prayed he wouldn't notice me or come over to me. My prayers were denied.

"Hey, can we talk?" He stood above my head and crouched down closer to me.

I closed my eyes so that I wouldn't have to look at him. "I'd rather not."

He was quiet for a moment before asking, "How high are you?"

I opened my eyes and looked at him. I furrowed my eyebrows and snapped, "None of your damn business."

He ran a hand over his face. I took that moment to really look at him for the first time in weeks. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked far more tired than usual. I surprised him by reaching up and caressing his cheek. "Why aren't you sleeping?" I asked.

He cleared his throat. "I, uh...Does it matter?"

I chuckled dryly and let my hand drop back down beside me. "I guess not. Nothing really matters anymore, does it?"

"Why are being so cynical?"

"I'm not being cynical. I'm being realistic."

He stared at me in silence for a few moments. He cleared his throat and looked away from me. Just when I thought maybe he was done and would walk away, he looked back at me. "Is there anyway that we can fix things? I...I miss you. I miss my best friend."

My heart broke a little more hearing the emotion in his voice. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss away any pain he was feeling. I wanted to be held by him. But that wasn't our reality anymore. I held back the many emotions rushing through me and answered him. "It's too late. I'll be leaving next month."

I could see the pain in his eyes as he processed this new information. "Where are you going?"

"I'm moving in with my uncle in California."

"Wow, California. That—uh, that's great. That, that will be great for you." And with that, he stood up and walked away.

I laid there, falling apart on the inside, knowing I broke the boy I was in love with.