No Longer Spring - Writings of Yesterday

Into the past I

This all happened shortly after trying everything that had come to my mind, when I finally decided to take a small break from my search. It took place around two years ago, when I had decided to move back to the Jiang Sect.
I found it to be really funny.
We used to be travelers, we loved to see the world and were going to travel for the incoming years. We fought in the daytime and got drunk at night while looking up at the starry sky, discussing about what we had done and about what we were going to do next. We'd sometimes sing or gossip on the drama from different sects that we encountered along the way.
If you still remember, before leaving the Jiang perimeter, my father engraved into our sword handles the Jiang emblem so "we'll know that we're always welcome back to the sect, and that we never even left to begin with."
It was quite a shock when it happened. It was a truly nice thing for a man like him to do. The Sect leader Jiang Lao even accepted you as my cultivational partner, so I couldn't have been happier.
Never did we know that I'll end up going back after almost two years. I told most crucial people about your situation, I asked them for help and, even so, I couldn't accept that I didn't protect you. I couldn't accept that not even they managed to find out anything so, empty handed, after getting back to my old home I locked the door to my room and didn't go out to see the world until a week later.
I had tried everything and I knew that I somehow had to come to terms with your absence for the moment being, which I often tried to ignore.

"Shen Xiao!" Said my father, "You're back? Did you bring Mei Lin?"

And so, I spoke to him after what felt like ages, updating him on your situation.
I had always been a cold son, doing as I was told yet keeping a distance from my role as a potential heir in case my brother, Jiang Fei, refused the role, so I didn't expect him to care much about me. He also had our younger sister that he could choose.
And, even with that, he went as far as to send word to his closest people and told them to gather more information, only for them to come back empty handed like everyone else.
It was as if your whole existence had been erased and, at that point, I didn't a personality anymore. My only trait was missing you.
Never did I expect that when I came out pf my chambers I was simply going to dig deeper into the misfortune I had.

When the night came, I went to check Jia Hao, my fathers right hand, in hopes that I could ask a few more questions about their search. Every inch of me was restless after passing my days as if I were nothing but a sick man, so I decided that, after talking to him, I was going to train more than I was already training. I was going to become someone worth my name and do something great, if only to make my mind forget.
I wanted you to live through me, even though I'd have simply liked to die if you were dead, so I could meet you on the other side.
You had to be alive and I was going to find a way of reaching you through my learnings. If you were, however, passed onto the other side, I might as well have brought you back.
I took a deep breath in.
The spring night was chilling, soothing some of my pain away. I was close to the Jiang lake, or the so called Fountain of luck, as I got closer Jia Hao's place. 
They called it that because of the "Sundown legend", which used to tell that a long time ago, people that bathed in that lake had a strong protection against evil spirits, going as far as to making them immune to curses. It was said that, if someone was to win the favor of the Sanxing*, they could enter the lake and gain their protection.
It had always been something our sect was proud of since the lake was long and traversed the whole territory, adding elegance and beauty it. There was even a bridge connecting the two lands on which the sect resided, departed by nothing else but the Jiang lake, allowing every person to see it's peaceful existence by simply walking on it's sides. It wasn't hard to guess why many people wished to see it.

My steps were quiet as always, allowing me to creep in closely, just to see two shadows talking in a dark corner.
I came closer, wanting to say something until I caught their voices.