Shadowed

Session

I woke up to the sound of Anastasia snoring. I nudged her with my elbow which made her stop. I sighed as the alarm clock started to ring. Anastasia rolled on her back to turn it off.

"Who are you trying to look good for?", she joked as I was doing my makeup. I stopped in my tracks. I gulped and thought. I AM trying to look good for him. WHY?! I know what's going on but I have to stop it.

"Kiki?", Anastasia asked and nudged me gently. I put the lip liner down on the floor and turned to face her. Her blue eyes looked confused.

"I can't come to school today", I whispered, still looking at her with wide eyes. She gently scrunched her eyebrows together as I stood up. I picked up my bag and some of my belongings. "I'll explain later! Love you!", I yelled before I closed the door, running out of the building.

I waited for my bus next to the marketplace. I was confused. But I knew where to go.

After about half an hour I saw that yellow house on top of a hill. I immediately felt so calm. I walked up there, breathing in the ocean air. I opened the front door, the familiar scent greeting me.

I sat down on the sofa, leaving the front door open. I closed my eyes and took a big breath in, leaning until my head hit the cushions.

Okay, I'm ready to start this session.

It started when Anastasia asked, "Who are you trying to look good for?". So let's try to recognise some feelings at first. Confusion, disappointment, excitement. I'm not good enough. I'm scared.

I think he likes me but I didn't realise how much I like him.

I haven't had a real, deep crush in years. He made me feel more than anyone else ever. It's so complicated. First of all, we have been on-off for years and years.

He has a bit curly brown hair and brown eyes. Brown as milk chocolate. A small stub when he doesn't shave. 174 cm tall. Only 4 cm taller than me. Wide shoulders. Big but not muscular, still lean. He's a normal-looking guy. Not a guy from Pinterest but I still found him extremely pretty.

I was just so attracted to him, mentally and physically. I don't know what it is about. We have a crazy sexual and emotional attraction, which has never before happened with anyone.

He seems to be interested in my body more though...I don't know if he's interested in my soul. I've always used my body for attention from guys but with him, I didn't need to since whatever I do, I know that I'll get his attention. It was a bit confusing, not gonna lie.

But I'm not sure if he's a real man - he's the same age as me. He could still have years of clubbing ahead of him, if he wants so.

I don't know if the sparkle is lightning up again, maybe soon...but I don't want to force anything. I guess, I'll have to see what happens next.

Luka is familiar, but exciting at the same time.

Okay, I feel like I've thrown up everything from my brain now. Session over.

I stood up from the couch, grabbed my bag and closed the door carefully behind me. I looked at the ocean view and blew a kiss to it before disappearing around the corner.

I knew that Anastasia still was at school but I still went to our apartment. I thought for the rest of the day I could clean for once and maybe we could eat something good.

Oh my god...I'm a messy girl. Born and raised. So feeling the urge to clean, was like having a stroke. Is this what having a crush is like?

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Words: 636