It's remarkable how one comment, just a few little words, can make a person's world crumble and destroy their self worth in one fell swoop. And no words hit Penelope quite so hard than that of Portia Featherton's. The woman had a way of making Penelope feel both not enough and too much. An enormous whale, yet somehow also a puny, insignificant roach on the bottom of her shoe. Still, Penelope yearned for Portia's approval. She was her mother after all.
This particular comment came one night after Colin Bridgerton, Penelope's closest friend and long harbored crush, had dropped her off at her Mum's house. The evening had been spent drinking and dancing with the rest of Colin's siblings, and Penelope thought she left the house looking rather cute. Sexy even. She had truly come into her own over the years, especially now that she was allowed to stop dressing in the horrid citrus colors her mother insisted could "distract from her rolls". She noticed several men at the club checking her out, and even thought Colin had been looking at her in same way. Her mother quickly squashed that shred of hope with her heavily condescending tone.
"Oh, Penelope," Portia drawled, looking at her with pity. "You know that Bridgerton boy would never actually consider you. You're beautiful in your own right, and you know I love you, but men like Colin just don't fall in love with girls who look like you." And with those crushing words, Portia marched off to her bedroom to ready for sleep, leaving an aching black hole in the pit of her daughter's stomach.
Over the course of the next week, Penelope withdrew from her friends, Colin especially, allowing that hole to grow bigger and darker, swallowing up everything in its wake. She hadn't even tried to fill it. She was never hungry, especially when she imagined where the calories might go after she consumed them. She wasn't horny, not that it would matter as she panicked at the thought of a man even looking at her naked body. She tried writing, which always seemed to bring her joy and give her a purpose, but even that wasn't enough. She was just...tired, so she laid in bed, staring at the ceiling and willing herself to sleep. She ignored every call and text of the people who worried for her, until one day, she heard pounding and shouting at her front door and could no longer pretend. She dragged her weak body to the door and opened it wide, not even checking to see who it was. She didn't care.
Of course it had been Colin though. Of course he would show up like a knight in shining armor in a moment when she looked like a toad. And of course he would be there to berate her for avoiding him.
"Penelope, what the hell?! Do you know how worried everyone has been?! I was terrified that something had happened to you!" Penelope shrunk into herself even more, wishing she could just disappear for good. Colin seemed to notice, just as he always did, and his gaze softened. "Are you ill? You do look quite pale," he noted, feeling her forehead for a fever. "You're freezing, Pen, and you look like you're about to faint." Then, suddenly, she did. She passed out right on the floor, Colin barely managing to catch her limp body as it dropped. She woke up some unknown time later, wrapped in her sheets with Colin sat beside her. "You're awake," he said, sighing with relief.
"W-what happened?" Penelope croaked out.
Colin immediately handed her a glass of water. "You started to sway a bit and then your eyes rolled back and you fainted," he explained, holding the glass to her lips as she was still too weak to do so herself. He set the glass back down and took her hands in his, stroking the backs of them with his thumbs. "When was the last time you ate, Pen?" He asked carefully.
Penelope looked away, not wanting to answer, and also not knowing the answer. "I-I don't know," she mumbled, trying to pull away, but Colin held her closer.
"Penelope," he said, his concerned tone heartbreaking to her ears. "Why?" He asked.
"I'm not sure you'll like that answer."
"Who?" He asked, his tone more dangerous.
"You probably won't like that answer either."
Colin growled something to himself, then removed himself from her side and stood up. "Then tell me this, lasanga or chicken alfredo?" Penelope stared up at him, puzzled. "Pick one," he persisted.
"A-alfredo," she answered, afraid to even attempt telling him she wasn't hungry. Colin grinned at her response, then made his way towards her kitchen and began pulling out pots and pans and ingredients he knew she had in her cupboards. "Colin, you don't have to---" she started, stumbling to the living area.
"Hush you," he waved her away. "Go lay back down and turn on a movie for us. I'm going to make two bowls of my chicken alfredo, and you are going to eat both of them. Then, if you're still hungry, you'll have more. Got it?"
Penelope nodded dumbly, smiling a little as she watched him move comfortably around her kitchen. She decided on When Harry Met Sally, her comfort movie for obvious reasons. She was at the scene where they meet again in the bookstore when Colin came in carrying two bowls of pasta. She was glad to see at least one of them was for him, because she was terrified of eating alone, especially in front of him. She started out slowly, rolling her eyes as Colin waited for her to take each bite.
"Are you going to watch me the whole time?" She finally snapped.
Colin smirked in response. "Just wanted to make sure."
"What, that I'm no longer starving myself? Thanks, Colin, I'm good. You don't have to babysit me. You can leave whenever you want," she said bitterly, instantly regretting it. Colin had been nothing but sweet and caring towards her, and she was acting like a dick. "I'm sorry," she apologized, shaking her head as she twirled some noodled onto her fork. "I just haven't been myself lately."
"You're not you when you're hungry," he teased, quoting his favorite chocolate bar. It worked, and earned a smile from her.
After that, they ate in silence and continued watching the movie. When she finished her first bowl, Colin got up to get them seconds. Between bites, Colin said, "I always loved this movie," pointing his fork at the pivotal scene where the couple lays next to each other awkwardly post sex. "I never understood why they didn't just talk to each other. It would have saved them both so much pain." Penelope hummed in response, holding her tongue. "I mean, they clearly love each other, they're just dancing around it, waiting for the other one to be brave first. It's the most frustrating thing about the whole friends to lovers trope," he continued, getting visibly frustrated.
"Didn't realize you were so passionate about this movie," she mused, setting her bowl on her nightstand next to his and settling back into the pillows.
Colin wrapped an arm around her and they both relaxed further. Penelope held her breath, not daring to move. "It just hits close to home, I guess," he confessed.
"H-how so?" She stuttered.
Colin slowly tipped her chin up to look at him. "Pen, I'm done dancing around it. I love you. I don't know what's going on with you or why you felt like you couldn't talk to me, but I just need you to know that I am so in love with you, and I'm done pretending."
"Colin," she gasped, reeling at those three words. Three little words that made her world crumble.
"I don't need you to say it back, he added. "I just needed you to know."
Tears formed in Penelope's eyes, and Colin wiped them away. "Thanks to you, Colin, my heart and my stomach have never been more full," she said, then snorted with laughter when she realized how cheesy that sounded. Colin laughed with her before pulling her in for a kiss. They pulled away moments later, completely breathless, and Penelope whispered, "I love you too."
