Insecure
-Kiki-
He could have any girl that he wanted. He chose me. I don't understand it. Why me? What have I done to deserve his attention on me?
"Does there have to be a reason?"
I stared at him. He looks at me like he's got all of the time in the world. I don't know whether to be annoyed or find it endearing.
Ryugamine Mikado.
I still don't know anything about him. I can't remember when and where we met. He just appeared in my life and won't leave.
Tonight, he has me in what looks like a hotel room. I sat on the bed, staring at him. Mikado sat at the foot of the bed in a chair. What does he plan to do with me? We've had sex before. It was good. I mean it. Better than good. It was just...
"What are you going to do with me?" I asked. I felt so small in his gaze. Now, he's not bulked up like a grizzly. He isn't that tall over me. But he could still take over me just by talking. Right now, there was nothing in his eyes. He was just staring at me and saying nothing.
You're so tense.
What? Mikado kept his eyes on me. He didn't say a word. What was that? Don't tell me...
"I want to give you something," Mikado said. I watched as he reached into his pocket. He held a small tin in his hand. I watched him twist open the lid. What is that? He put a flat red strip on his tongue and crawled onto the bed. He kissed me on the lips. I didn't resist. I let him kiss me before I kissed him back. He gently pushed his tongue past my lips. A small shiver ran down my body.
What... What is this?
Mikado slowly pulled away. He sat back in his chair again. He acted like nothing happened. I didn't get off of the bed. What did he just do? What was...? Wait... What... What is this?
A strange tingling crept up my spine. It felt like a wave of happy was washing over me. I could feel myself smiling. My brain started to pick up what Mikado had slipped me in that kiss. Dopamine. Serotonin. Oxytocin. Endorphin. My heart wasn't thundering in my chest before. What is this? I laid back on the bed. I might as well be floating around in that pool outside the hotel.
This feels good.
"What did you do to me?" I asked.
"Shhh," he said. I hate when he does that, but I can't be mad at him right now. I'm just... Wow. You ever feel like you got high or drunk without even trying? This is amazing.
He was the one who invited me out here tonight. We ended up at this small Honeymoon Resort he conjured up. There wasn't anyone else around. I'm used to this by now. That is how the program is designed. I didn't have to check in or anything. Just go to the elevator and come up to the room.
Hm? I think he just said something.
"What?" I asked. Mikado was saying something but I can't make out what he is saying. I began to ask him again.
It's so strange... Why do I want him to... do things to me? Why do I want to do things to him? I looked up at him. There was no emotion on his face. His eyes stayed locked on me. Wait... Did he just...
I breathed out heavily. My face felt so hot. It's his smell. I closed my eyes and took in that sweet, musky smell that he had. My head filled with dirty fantasies about him. I don't understand it, but damn he's hot. I arched my back as I took another breath.
I gulped. What is he doing to me? I lifted my head and caught him staring at me. Still no emotion in his eyes. I started to feel nervous again.
I knocked on the door when I made it down the hall.
