Now That I've Found You...

NTIFY (9)

"So let me understand this, you want me to be you're maid of honor?!" I practically screamed.

"Of course. Who would better fit the job than my bestfriend?" I stared at her for a couple minutes. She was serious. "After Niklaus died, I thought that if ever I would get married again, you'd be my maid of honor and Meghan would've been the matron of honor. Then Meghan also passed........ But hey I still have you!"
She looked up from the wedding magazine that she was flipping through. She smiled so I smiled. I don't know if it's a coping mechanism or something, but my mom doesn't really talk much about my godmother/aunt/second mother/deceased future mother in law, Meghan Bold. She was Bennie's mom and my mom's bestfriend. I loved her so very much. Everyone did. She was just that really sweet humble person that everyone loved. How'd she die? Car accident. A freaking car accident! Her and Bennie's youngest sister Carrie-lynn. My little Carrie Baby. That's all she got to be- a sweet little baby girl. She was only almost 2 years old! I can't re-live that horrific time. It just hurts too much. And on top of that they died a couple months after my dad died. How'd he die you ask? Leukemia. FUCKING LEUKEMIA! He suffered so much during the last few days of his life. My father, my father could walk in the room and automatically everyone would turn their heads to him. He was always 'The Man of the Hour'. He had a gift. Always managed to make anyone laugh and cheer someone up. I always wanted to be able to do that for people..... I miss my dad. Terribly. To everyone else, he was a great actor, but he wasn't just that to us. To my mom, he was her first love, he was her soulmate her bestfriend. To Uncle John and Aunt Meghan, he was a loving friend and brother. To Bennie, he was like a second father. To my grandparents and uncles, he was the best son and brother you could ever ask for. To me, he was my backbone. He was my rock. He was my conscience. He was the first man I ever loved and the only man that I knew would love me forever. I can't do this. I ran. I couldn't deal. Every time I think of him, I just picture those tubes all hooked up to him. I think of how bad he suffered the last few days of his life. I think of how dead my mother was when he died. Even though she tried to hide, I was always able to see through the facade. And that made it hurt even more, because when I lost him, I lost a big part of her too.

"Sammy? Honey what's wrong? What happened?" She came right after me and immediately coddled me when she realized that I was crying. I just uncontrollably sobbed in her chest. "I miss them! I miss them so much mom!" she just rubbed my head and rested her chin on it.

"I know baby. I miss them too.... Hey, how about I tell you about the day we got married?"

"I'd like that." I kept my head on her chest as I waited for her to begin..

"Alright. So John, Meg, Nik and I did everything together. We even got married together." I looked up at her. "Yep. We had a double wedding. It wasn't as hard as it sounded for us. We all wanted basically the same guests, we decided to have two cakes, didn't have to find maids of honor and best men because we were each others maid of honor and best man. Eeeeeverything was planned to the T. But for some odd reason, NOTHING went right on the actual day. The dresses didn't show up on time, we lost the pastor and the marriage licenses, Grandpa Joe was late because he had to fly in from Canada, all the shoes were sent to the wrong address-Every thing that could've possibly gone wrong, went wong.. But in the end the only thing that really mattered was the fact that we were all together, and safe on that special day...." I could hear her sniffling, she was crying. "And when we realized that, everything started working out. But nothing made me happier than when those doors opened on Meg and I. The look on your father's face when our eyes met, and just knowing that this wonderful person that I've known my entire life was at the end of that aisle waiting for me to spend the rest our lives together.... Our whole lives together... He was supposed to burry me. And Leukemia. Of all the near-death experiences he's been faced with, Leukemia wins the game. Fucking Leukemia....." I look up at her and see tears flowing down her cheeks. "You know, I used to ask God, why? Why did he have to take the love of my life, the closest thing I had to a sister and her daughter away from me? I used to be so so angry, and depressed. I started drinking heavy, I even tried to commit suicide a couple times." It broke my heart to hear her say that. I know she was hurting but I didn't know it was to that extent. She was broken. She lost herself. "I know, its surprising to hear that about your mother who 'always has it together' but I couldn't keep it together that time. I lost three very important people in my life. I lost myself. I lost everything. My imagination, my dreams, my happiness. And most of all, I was so lost and broken that I couldn't even help guide you through your grieving process. And for that I am truly and deeply sorry." I hugged her, hard. I couldn't blame her for grieving. Everyone grieves differently. And now, I have even more respect for my mother than I already did before.

"I understand." I said as I was hugging her.

"You know now that I'm thinking about it, maybe Nik chose Lucas for me." I was shocked to hear her say that. I looked at her with utter confusion. "When your father was alive we had a discussion on who we'd want each other to be with if one of us were to die. He told me that when he was in Spain for a movie, he met a guy named Lu that was visiting home. This Lu guy was tall, tan, had mint -green eyes and always looked sharp. Nik told me that he would have him come to New York to meet us but we never got to that. Then, we moved to Arizona for a fresh start and I meet this gorgeous tall, tan, mint-green eyed sweetheart who's actually from Spain! And listen, I hope you don't think that just because I love Lu and I'm marrying him that I love your dad any less. I love Nik with all of my heart and that will never change. I think about him everyday. And I know he's watching over us and he's pretty damn proud." I couldn't help but laugh at how ironic that was. Who would've thought that Lucas was sent from dad.
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Author's Note:

Hey guys! This chapter was really needed. It was to shine a little light on the grieving process and show how losing someone very close to you can take a toll on you and your own life as well. It really helped Sam to know that her mother was there going through it as well and it gave her a new and different form of respect for her mom. It gives you a look on the relationship between Sam and her father, and Sam and Meghan Bold. If anyone is dealing with a loss of some sort, it's okay to grieve. Its all apart of the process. I love you all and thank you so much for all of your love and support! Please be sure to vote, pass this book on, and comment what you think of this chapter. Till next time!☺️😘✌️