Now That I've Found You...

NTIFY (12)

I sat there for an hour waiting for him to wake up. It honestly felt like more, I was scared to lay next to him because I didn't want to hurt him. He slept so peacefully and beautiful I just sat next to his bed, I wasn't taking any chances after the recurring nightmare I kept having. Even though Marcus was dead, I still felt the need to take precautions. You never know what could happen.

"Good morning sleepyhead. Did you have a good sleep?" He tried to move but winced when he remembered about the surgery. "Please rest baby, I don't want you hurting anything." He signaled for me to come close to him. He reached out for my hand as I got close enough and he rubbed it on his face, then I held it. "You made it. Dr. Matthews said the surgery went well. John and Steph went to pick Jamie up from school. She's coming to see you... I love you okay? I'm glad you're okay." He looked at me as if a little taken aback from what I said. I didn't want him to know how scared I was because I knew he was scared but he can see through me. He took my hand and kissed it. And his eyes told me to relax, that I didn't have to worry because he's gonna be fine and I smiled because he already knew. We slept for another hour.
~~~~

I woke up to the sight of my favorite guy and favorite little girl playing goldfish in his bed. I love how much he loves her. She can brighten anyone's mood, and it's contagious.

"Good morning Sleepyhead." she said to me as I sat up and watched them. You couldn't help but fall for how adorable they both were when they were with each other. She brought out something special in him. She had the power to bring it out of anyone.

"You hungry babe?" I saw him grab a Barnie's take-out bag and of course I knew what was in it. There's no greater feeling than waking up and immediately having something to eat, especially when it's your favorite. It was still hot too they probably haven't been here for very long.

"Sammie you wanna play with us?" Her words interrupted me from devouring that burger. I simply replied with a, "After I murder this burger my love." We all know that when I get started on a Burger I hardly ever do anything else until I finish that burger. I like to focus on the specific flavors and special essentials of the burger. I take this pretty seriously.

Dr. Matthews walked in. "And who is this cute little missy?" She had to be referring to– "My name is Jamilynn Bold and I'm eight years old, but everybody calls me Jamie." She held her hand out for the young doctor to shake. "Well I can tell you are a big personality for such a small girl." And knowing our Jamie, her reply was, "I know, you love it." with her adorable wink and smile. Honestly, with that smile she can get whatever she wants, we'll almost anything.

"Um can I speak to your mom and dad outside for just a quick second" she was mainly talking to Bennie and they just left. I hope that Steph took her phone with her because I wanna know what's going on too.

Sam: Hey what's she saying?

Steph: Nothing bad. He just has to stay here for a couple more days for evaluation. Just so they know that everything is alright.

Sam: Okay thats fine. But he's gonna go crazy if he stays here another day lol

He was looking over my shoulder when I sent that text and he rested his head on my shoulder as usual. He's my big ole baby.

~~TWO DAYS LATER~~

Dear Diary,

You'd think that after Ben got that surgery, he would've bounced back like a spring but honestly not in this case. He still just getting worse. Throwing up being too weak to get out of bed. It's really scaring me plus the doctors don't know what the problem is yet and that alone has everyone pretty much freaking out. I hate that I feel so helpless; They won't let him go home because he's getting worse and there's nothing that I could do to fix this and it's tearing me apart, but I can't let him see that. He needs to be focused on getting better.
-Sam

He's been fighting a fever for a week now. At this point I'm stuck because it's not like we know why he's feeling like this. The doctors ran countless test and CT scans and found nothing. But I can see that there's something really wrong with Ben. We all see it. It's pretty fucking obvious. He's been having seizures more often, throwing up every and anything in his system, the hot flashes are of course annoying and I can tell he's personally feeling like shit and it hurts me. He's beating himself up but it's not his fault. I wish I was of any help. He's not even smiling anymore...

I heard a knock on the door and once again I caught a bad tingly feeling in my gut. It was Dr. Matthews.

"Hi guys. I-"

"Sam, why don't you take Babygirl over to check out the gift shop downstairs, so she can buy something nice for her big brother here." John said while giving me that, "We don't want 'little busybodies' in our conversation" look as he hinted to little miss Jamilynn. She groaned, rolled her eyes and got off of the bed.

"I already know what that means, you grown people are going to have a grown convo, so little me, must go." Dr. Matthews was shocked and amused at her response but we were all used to Jammie's sassy intelligence by now. "Sammie, I'm sorry that you have to be the one left out just because I'm only 8 years old" the doctor couldn't help but laugh out loud after hearing that one.

"It's alright mama, I'll find out later anyway; Come on," when I got off of the bed I gently laid a kiss on my guy's forehead and left a whisper lingering in his ear, "No matter what it is, I'll still love you forever; We'll beat it together."

His eyes were closed with an innocent smile of hope as I inched away from him, closer to the door. Before heading out, I signaled to John and Steph for one of them to keep me posted via text.
~~~~

On the trip to the gift shop, I looked down at Jammie who was just in her own world as always, skipping on our way to the elevator. I don't even think I remember much about when life was so simple. It seemed so long ago, and so hard to reach. I remember when I first arrived here in Arizona. It kinda made me feel like I was visiting Cali. No one I saw within my first half hour off of the plane, were wearing any pants or shirts with sleeves– and it was definitely September. Absolutely nothing like New York, but even though I was so home sick, I couldn't help but be speechless from the scenery. I remember feeling excited and anxious to take on this new journey with my mom.

"Sammie," she squeezed my hand taking me out of my thoughts and getting my attention. I looked back down at her. "Do you think my brother is gonna be okay?" I was caught completely off guard by this question; I mean yeah the girl is really smart and all, but why would she ask me?

"C'monnn I'm smarter than you guys think, and I love my brother... even though he's a boy." When she said this, it reminded me of her innocence. "I asked you because I know you'll tell me the right answer. They love me, but they'll try to hide the truth from me, and that's not fair.... I need to know Sammie, so I can help him too! Right now, I'm not doing anything..."

I swear I don't know when exactly the conversation went so left, but I had to take a minute to hear her out— and unfortunately, she was right. And our own way, we felt the same way. I watched him go through all of this pain and I just can't do anything to make it stop. This smart ass girl.

"Come here mama listen to me," I stooped down to give her a big hug and wipe my Babygirl's tears up. "I understand how you're feeling right now, you aren't completely correct," Her eyebrows became furrowed. "You have a big part in help you brother get better, you do. Yes, he may not have been feeling like himself lately but will not be forever, I promise you that. But right now in his time of need, you take the best job of keeping a smile on his face and let me also tell you this; You've managed to keep a smile on everyone's face anytime you're around. So trust me you are a huge help my lil munch. Don't you ever forget that, okay?"

And with that, all she said was, "I can always count on you to be the one" as she buried her face in my chest.
~~

As we were walking back to the room with her brother's teddy in one hand and 'their' already opened candy bag, I received a text from Steph:

"It's another tumor."

~~~~~~~~
Author's Note:

Okay so I'm so very sorry about the huge gap but ALOT of things have happened are still happening so I'm trying to tap into my creative outlets more. Here we goooo, please tell me what you guys think so far!