~<*>~ Pain in me ~<*>~

Chapter 30

Scoups opens his eyes exhausted when he feels the sun shining on his face. The couch isn't the most comfortable place, but Scoups is glad to wake up in this couch. He still smells Jun sometimes and it gives him some sort of comfort. Scoups gets himself up and checks if Vernon and Seungkwan are still sleeping and thankfully, they are. It was hard to put them to sleep yesterday because of all the emotions and Scoups is glad they're getting some sleep now. Because he doesn't know what to do, Scoups puts on the TV in the living room. He sits down in the couch where he slept in and gets startled real bad when he sees Jun's dead body on the TV screen. Soon, he realizes it's the news, and Scoups looks at it shocked. How dare they? When he listens to what the reporter says, his disgust only increases.

"Saturday night, december 13th, the dangerous criminal, Jun Blossom, that the police has been searching for a few days now, has been caught. The police found him and after a long and dangerous chase, they were able to shoot him down. We are pleased to inform you that the harm is gone, the criminal is dead. We are safe again. Have a good day."

"I wish", Scoups mumbles sad because he knows no one is safe, they're far from safe. He also hates the fact that the police has manipulated the story so much, they took every little bit of pride away from Jun. Scoups quickly turns off the TV, he doesn't want to watch it any longer. Scoups still feels empty inside, but something keeps bothering him. Why does he have an uneasy feeling about this? Why is it that when Scoups closes his eyes, he only sees Woojin? Why is he doubting whether he imagined it or not? Scoups always thought that Woojin was a sweet kid, but now he doesn't know. No, Woojin wouldn't possibly have done that, right? Scoups is just hallucinating because he's in shock. Scoups wants to go eat breakfast, but his phone suddenly starts buzzing. Confused, he picks up. He's surprised to hear Dino's parents, he didn't expect to hear from them.
"We called you to ask how Dino is doing. Normally, he texts or calls us, but he has been oddly silent the past few days. Is he all right?" the mother asks and Scoups heart shrinks again. He really can't have himself reminded of Dino again, not now. He's already very emotional. But still, Scoups tries his best to answer. 
"Dino went on a trip. He's gone and I don't know for how long. We can't call or text him either", Scoups explains while he tries to hold back his tears. He really needs Dino right now, but his roommate left him. Scoups still doesn't understand why. At least he's safe.
"Are you sure? You can't lie to us twice", Dino's dad says firmly and Scoups blinks confused.
"What do you mean?" he asks and he hears a sigh on the other side.
"You told us the same thing when we visited two years ago, Dino turned out to be kidnapped, remember?" Dino's parents explain and Scoups gasps surprised. He didn't realize that until now. But this time, it's true.
"I'm not lying this time," Scoups says, "Woojin told us." A short silence follows and Scoups starts to feel a little uneasy.
"And who is this Woojin if I may ask?" Dino's mother asks demanding.
"He's a..., very sweet kid", Scoups tells them a little hesitating.
"No, I mean, what did he do before?" To this question, Scoups has to think hard to find an answer.
"I..., I don't know", Scoups slowly admits and he's surprised by his own answer. How can it be that he knows so little about a team member?
"But I'll find out soon", Scoups promises.
"You better, son", Dino's dad says before they end the call. Scoups already knows what he's about to do. If there's someone who knows the answer, it's Joshua. But first, he has to comfort Seungkwan and Vernon because Dino can wait. Jun can't.

~<*>~

"So what now?" Woojin asks curious. Jisung throws him a confused look while he takes a sip of his beer.
"What do you mean?" he asks.
"Scoups is dead, it won't take long before Dino will be dead too. What's next?" Woojin asks.
"Easy there, tiger", Jisung chuckles amused before he takes another sip. 
"But you're probably right about Dino. I don't see him survive for long in this state anymore", he adds and Woojin nods in agreement. Ever since Woojin shared the news yesterday, Dino refused to eat something. He's slowly starving himself and Woojin doesn't really know how to feel about it. He is happy that Dino will be dead, but there's something that's still bothering Woojin. Is it the love Dino shows for Scoups? Maybe it's because Woojin never knew you could care for someone so deeply that you even want to die with them. 
"Hello?" a sudden voice pulls Woojin back to reality.
"What?" he asks confused and he blinks surprised when he notices Aylen standing in front of him.
"Wow, you were far gone", Jisung laughs, but Aylen shushes him.
"I asked how it went yesterday", Aylen repeats herself and Woojin smiles proud.
"It went great," he says while he notices Jisung leaving the room in the corner of his eye, "I put a bullet right through his back, shot him to death."
"Oh", Aylen mumbles. She tries to keep a smile, but Woojin notices there's something wrong. But before he can ask, Aylen speaks up.
"So he's dead?" she asks, her voice trembling. Suddenly, Woojin doesn't feel as proud anymore while he nods his head.
"Six feet under", he replies, but his confidence is down too. Aylen slowly nods her head while she tries to hold back tears. She probably doesn't want Woojin to see it, but he knows. 
"Are you all right?" he asks a bit awkward and Aylen nods, but tears are already rolling down her cheeks.
"It's just weird, you know," she rants, "the people I loved seven years ago are dead, and I should be happy about Scoups being gone, but it just doesn't feel right. I don't even understand why I'm crying over him." Aylen chuckles and Woojin feels some pity for her. It must be hard to lose two lovers in such a short time. Woojin wishes he had some lovers like that too.
"You said you were okay with us...", Woojin mumbles, but Aylen interrupts him rudely.
"I know! Can't a girl cry!?" she snaps and when she lets a brief silence, she continues.
"I'm sorry, I'm just emotional right now. I had a whole past with him, I truly loved him. I guess your first love never really goes away. You should know that too", she apologizes.
"Actually, I don't," Woojin objects, "I never knew someone who I loved so much that I would give them the world. My parents were awful, I had no friends and certainly no lovers. Why did you think I joined Stray kids back in the day? I wanted to feel included for once and look where it brought me. I have become a mad man. I'm slowly turning mad from this loneliness. So no, I don't know." When Woojin is done speaking, Aylen stares at him in shock.
"I think you're right", she says after a few minutes of awkward silence.
"Right about what?" Woojin asks confused.
"You're really going crazy", she states before she walks off and leaves Woojin alone, confused and hurt.

~<*>~

Scoups is glad to see Joshua again, it gives him some kind of comfort. It seems that Joshua feels the same because he smiles brightly while he lets Scoups in. Honestly, Scoups is tired. He has been comforting Seungkwan and Vernon all day, cooking for them, cleaning, keeping them distracted and even forming a smile on their faces, even if it was only one time. Apparently when you stumble and fall, others find it extremely funny. Scoups is glad he could do it, it helps him to be busy because then he doesn't have to think about Jun. And that's exactly why he's here. He's going to find out about Woojin because the youngest member still wanders around in Scoups' head. He has to clear this out, for himself and for Dino's parents. 
"I'm glad you're visiting, I just wanted to ask you to come over", Joshua says while he leads Scoups to the kitchen table. It's already dark outside and Scoups suspects that Wonwoo and Mingyu are probably already sleeping, but right when he sits down at the table, Wonwoo comes storming inside. He's wearing a beanie and a warm coat, his red nose gives away that it was cold outside. Seconds after, Mingyu follows and both Joshua and Scoups look at them baffled. Only now Scoups realizes Wonwoo is crying.
"Is it true?" Wonwoo asks desperate.
"Is Jun dead?" he adds and Scoups' heart crushes.
"I wanted to ask you the same thing", Joshua softly says and Scoups realizes he has to put Jun before Dino.
"We went to Seungkwan and Vernon after seeing the news and their faces said everything", Mingyu explains and the silence that follows tells Scoups he should start talking now.
"Jun is indeed..., dead." The words feel way too heavy and the vibe suddenly drops. It's like Scoups lived in some sort of imagination where Jun was still alive, but now that he spoke the words out loud, it's like he crashed back to reality. Wonwoo gasps and lets his head hang low defeated.
"I thought I was going to be the one...", the male with glasses doesn't finish his sentence and storms into his room. Mingyu exhales devestated before he runs after him.
"Wonwoo is in shock, he'll get over it", Joshua tries to calm down Scoups, but the former leader doesn't understand.
"What did he mean with 'I should be the one'?" Scoups asks confused. He has been noticing that Wonwoo and Mingyu have been acting off lately and it starts to concern him. Joshua's eyes darken, but the leader keeps his mouth shut.
"What is going on, Joshua?" Scoups asks firmly.
"I think we better focus on Jun for now", Joshua changes the subject. Scoups wants to object, but he changes his mind. Joshua is right. Jun is dead, he needs to get full attention right now.
"I suggest we give him a funeral", Joshua says while his eyes are almost burning holes in the table. Scoups is glad Joshua doesn't ask about what happened, Scoups knows he wants to, but Joshua is respectful enough to wait until time has healed some wounds. 
"Maybe we should gather around like we did with Woozi, only now it's without a body", Scoups mumbles, it feels weird to talk about this again. Woozi's funeral is already two years ago, Scoups feels a dull pain thinking about his former roommate. He wishes history doesn't repeat itself because there have been enough people who died. Scoups doubts whether he can take another death. 
"Scoups?" Joshua asks and Scoups blinks surprised, he didn't realize he zoned out.
"You know what, you're in shock too. You need your rest. You knew Jun well, it's time to grief", Joshua says, but it sounds rather demanding. Scoups looks up and locks eyes with his friend and leader.
"But what about the funeral?" Scoups objects.
"Don't worry about it. I'll let Woojin take care of it." Hearing those words, Scoups gets thrown back to that one moment: the moment Jun died. Once again, he sees Woojin's face. The younger is smiling evil while he holds a gun. Scoups gasps and slams the table, which causes Joshua to flinch.
"How did Woojin get in the group?" Scoups asks.
"What?" Joshua responds surprised. 
"Just answer the question!" Scoups snaps. He needs to know, his mind is torturing him with this doubt. Why can't he suddenly trust Woojin anymore? If he hears the story from Joshua, maybe he will finally believe in Woojin's innocence again.
"He came to us and just asked, actually. He was pretty to the point", Joshua chuckles and Scoups frowns confused.
"He knew about us?" he asks and Joshua nods his head.
"Yeah", he says confirming.
"How?" Scoups asks and a silence follows. Every second that passes, Scoups' heart drops even more. And looking at Joshua's eyes, he feels the same.
"I don't know...", the leader admits, suddenly scared.
"Maybe you let Woojin in too easily", Scoups says and it feels like worry is crushing him down. Were Scoups' weird nightmares the truth? Is Woojin really not as innocent as they think he is?