Your Afterlife (Alastor x reader) Hazbin Hotel

Chapter 9: low self esteem issues

Timeskip 8 hours:

After everything that had happened, I was exhausted and slept through the entire night.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Alastor still being asleep but his big wounds weren't as deep anymore and his smaller wounds were gone entirely.
Charlie has really done some wonders. I should... have told her about his wounds instantly.

Well... now I should clean my room from all of the blood stains Alastor has left behind.
Ugh. That's a lot. I left my room to walk to the reception to obtain a broom and dozens of wet tissues and some cleaning products.
Just as I was walking there, I bumped into my best friend.

I chuckled awkwardly: "Sorry about the... mess last night. Anyway, how did your date with Husk go?"

Angel replied: "You quite scared the shit out of me last night. I'm just glad you're okay. As far as you can be okay in that situation. Could you now please tell me the details about what exactly happened? And also, my date with Husk went great! The vibe at the restaurant was romantic and nice, I felt really connected to him and we had a blast getting to know each other better. We just get along so well, you know? I was just being myself around him... and you were right... he seemed to really like the real me. We'll have our 2nd date in 3 days already!"
I squealed: "OH ANGEL, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!"
I paused and then continued: "Well last night..."

Timeskip 20 minutes:

Angel yelled: "FUCK."
Scared, I said: "I'm sorry. I didn't wanna ruin your good mood."

Angel sighed: "It's good you've told me, y/n. But the fact that last night you let Vox assault you just so they would spare Alastor's life is a lot to take in, you know? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT? WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST LET ALASTOR DIE? WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY TO FIND ANOTHER THING TO GIVE TO VOX AND VAL IN ORDER TO SPARE ALASTOR'S LIFE?"

I whispered sadly: "I knew very well that sex was the only thing Vox wanted from me. And I couldn't just let Alastor die. ....I love him."

Angel looked at me angrily: "GIRLIE YOU'VE MET HIM A FEW DAYS AGO. CALM YOUR FREAKING HORSES, ALRIGHT! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
He paused and then just whispered:
"You honestly are FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD."

His words felt like a slap in the face. Like a knife I'm suddenly being stabbed with from behind. Hearing those words from my best friend cut like the sharpest knife. I couldn't help but start crying. I'm just feeling awful.

I ran to the reception, quickly grabbed everything I needed and ran back into my room. Shutting the door loudly.
I just sank to the ground having the closed door behind my back crying as if there was no tomorrow. And I was panting as if I just had participated in some marathon.

Suddenly, I heard Alastor ask:
"Why are you crying, dear?"
I sniffed: "Angel yelled at me that I'm severely deranged in the head for getting... you know what... in order to save your life."

Alastor visibly frowned: "Surprisingly, I had actually intended on saying something comforting to you but in this case, it would all be a lie. Because... well I don't like admitting this but Angel is right. What is wrong with you?"
I cried: "I don't know."

Alastor hesitantly caressed my wet cheeks and softly wiped my tears away: "Oh I think you indeed know why."

I rambled: "I've been so lonely all my life that in order to keep people close to me... I would give everything for them. Is this what you wanna hear, Al?"
He hummed: "If this is the truth, then yes."
I nodded.
He pulled me in for a loose hug.

I whispered: "Since you're doing better now again, may I be your spy again?"
He frowned: "Y/n, really you have to stop being like this. Stop depending on people so much. Besides, you've got yourself into enough trouble for me already. I'm going to release you from this burden. You don't have to work for me anymore. Ever. I can't believe I'm actually saying this."

I argued: "But... I want to work for you."
His smile looked more and more forced: "Dear, we can still be pals without you working for me."
I shuddered: "I'm sorry."

He sighes: "This is going to be a long difficult path for you to redemption, y/n. But eventually, you might make it if you work on yourself and your issues."

I whispered: "Do you think Angel will forgive me?"
Alastor sighed annoyedly: "I don't know and I don't care. I'm going to run some errands now."

I widened my eyes: "Did I say anything wrong?"
Alastor yelled: "Dear, get your draining low self esteem in order!"
He then angrily shut the door while walking out.

I then reached for the broom, a gallon of water, the tissues and the cleaning products and finally started cleaning off those long-overdue-to-clean stains. Since I have waited so long to clean them, it took lots of rubbing and effort and time to finally get rid off the stains.

While dedicatingly cleaning and brushing the ground as if my life depended on it, I kept wondering how to change. How to not be so annoying and depending all the time. Those mannerisms are a result of my loneliness and low-self esteem. How to change that drastically if I've been that way all my life?