Always

Chapter 16

It's been 3 and a half years. Jack and I still live together, but it's like living with a ghost. I never see him and when I do he's drunk. This has been going on since he turned 21. He went out for his birthday with his friends and every night since then he just drinks. We still live in the same apartment but we can barely even afford it with his habit.

I'm not saying I don't love him anymore, but I'm tired of him not getting any help. I've been sick and had to call off from work the whole week. Today is Friday July 16th. I'm currently lying in bed with a trash can next to me. It must just be my nerves making me sick. The alarm clock reads 11:02pm and Jack is just now getting home. I know he's drunk.

I can hear him stumble up the stairs and run into the door. I fake like I'm asleep because I don't want to deal with him. Not while I'm like this. Tomorrow I'll feel better. Tomorrow I'll get up and tell him what's going on and what needs to happen. But not tonight.
He bursts the door open, I do my best not to jump so he thinks I'm sleeping.

I can smell the alcohol on him from across the room. It's burning my nose. It's whiskey again. He stumbles over to the bed and doesn't take off his shoes or anything just lays down next to me. I pray he doesn't try to touch me because I wouldn't react well. We haven't even had sex in 5 months. 5 whole months without sex. If you would've taken me back to when we first started I wouldn't have seen this happening.

We were always all over each other. We were always in love. He treated me so good and now he ignores me like I'm his roommate and not his fiancé. We were supposed to get married in 2 months but I can't take this anymore. Finally I hear him snoring so I get out of the bed and go downstairs.

Like I said before it's not like I don't love him. I just can't take the drinking anymore. I've begged him to get help but he just won't. He gets angry. I'm glad he's never hit me or anything not that I think he would, but that's what normally happens when people are alcohol is right?

I search on my computer all night long for a new apartment. It's in Kansas. It wouldn't be that far of a drive since we're located in the northern part of Texas. I put down my deposit that I've been saving up for the past 5 months.

Should I write him a letter and just leave now? I think to myself. It would be hard to have a conversation with him if he's drunk and that's the only time I see him. I get out a pen and paper.

'Dear Jack,
   I'm sorry to have to leave this way but you've given me no choice. I've tried my best to get you the help you need but I can't take your drinking any longer. I'm moving out of state. I hope you do get the help you need. I love you with my whole heart. Always.'

And I leave the bracelet he got me for my 18th birthday right on top of the paper. I grab what I had packed up yesterday and put into the guest room until I could talk to him. I leave just like that. I drive to Kansas to my new apartment in the small town. It was hard to drive there while I keep wanting to throw up and being able to see through all the tears streaming down my face.

My eyes burned. My heart ached. And my stomach was turning. I left my best friend, my hometown, and the love of my life. It was the right decision, wasn't it? It had to be. 4 hours and 37 minutes remaining until I get there. I'll arrive at 9:14am. It'll be okay, I think to myself. I'll be fine.

Jacks pov.

I wake up with a big ass headache. I drank way too much but to get over a hangover you drink another beer right? That's what I did, I got up and drank a beer. Bell isn't anywhere to be seen, but she probably just went to the store. It's 11:30 AM now. I sit down on the couch thinking I'll watch some tv. I turn it on and when I go to set down the remote there's bells bracelet with a note.

I read the note. She really left me? Have I actually been drinking that much? I pull out my phone realizing it's mid July. I don't even remember the last 4 months. Just little bits and details. I throw my beer across the room and it shatters sending glass flying everywhere. "I lost her" I screamed aloud. I pick up her bracelet and hold it in my hands up to my chest. I cry until I can't anymore. Maybe she's right. Maybe I do need help.

The next day is rough for me. I haven't had a drink at all and it's horrible. I keep throwing up. My head feels like it's going to explode. All I can think about is Bell and how I wish she was here. I miss her so much. I call my sister. "Gabs?" I say through the phone trying to hold back the hurt in my voice. "Hey bub what's up?" Over the last few years Gabriella and I have gotten closer probably because of Bell bringing us more together. "I need help." Is all I say to her. She knew I had been drinking and I'm sure Bell told her more of the details too. She checks me into a rehab and that's where I'll be for at least the next two months. God I miss Bell. "I'm doing this for you Bell, I'm so sorry." I whisper to myself like she'll be able to hear me.