Sub Rosa Ties ( A High School Dark Romance)

Gerard

I flung my car keys furiously onto the floor, and they scattered across the lavish tiles in my living room. I've never been more enraged than I am in this moment.

"Fuck!" I yelled, raking my hands through my hair hastily. I had never endured as much agony as I had in the past week. It was absolute torture for me.

It had always been my desire for her to reach out to me, even if just once. I was at the gym when I got her first message, but I couldn't respond.

Even though she stayed online for what felt like minutes, likely anticipating my reply, I couldn't bring myself to type anything out.

I skipped school for a week because of Zera Palmer. She used to be a major reason for me to show up, but in the past week, I stayed away because of her.

I knew I would inevitably bump into her, whether in the hallways or elsewhere, so I opted to stay home for the time being.

I was on the brink of responding when her second message came through, so I chose not to go online at all. I received Bret's message this afternoon after he passed my address to Zera, and I knew she would come.

I wasn't certain if I was ready to face her; I couldn't bear to. So I had resolved to confront her myself, to set boundaries, to make her think I had been playing games with her.

But the instant she apologized, all my tough act plans vanished into thin air and flew out the library's window.

All this time, I thought I was doing her a favor, that I was being decent, that I was giving her what she wanted. But now, all the blame falls back on me. It's like starting over again.

I wanted to apologize the moment she requested it. In fact, I wanted to chase after her the instant she passed by me, seize her, and express how much I desperately wanted her. But I couldn't, because I'm nothing but a burden to her.

I sighed heavily and sank onto my couch, leaning my head back. "Tell me Gerard. That everything we've ever done together, all the outings and conversations, mean nothing to you. That you were just toying with me? Tell me!" Her words echoed in my mind.

I was rendered speechless the moment she asked, captivated in the depths of her grey eyes.

Even though she apologizes and may insist she didn't mean what she said, her tears that night revealed otherwise.

Keeping my distance from her would probably be the wisest choice, but that would only come after earning her forgiveness.

I've hurt her with my words today; I could see it in her eyes as she responded. Zera always puts on a brave front, but I can see through her facade.

"God..." I groaned and retrieved my phone as it chimed in my pocket.
It was my mum. She was scheduled to be discharged tomorrow morning, so I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong.

"Hello," I whispered into the phone, my voice surprisingly calm despite the myriad of solutions and plans racing through my mind on how to explain to Zera why I had ghosted her and acted like a jerk.

"Gerard, where are you?" Her voice sounded calm, so I knew nothing was wrong.

"Home"

"Can you come to the hospital now?" she asked gently, but I could tell she didn't want to inconvenience me. I glanced at my wristwatch and noticed that it was past 7 PM.

"Is something wrong?"

"No. I'm prepared to leave. Now," she murmured the last part.

I sprang up from the couch. "What do you mean? You're supposed to be discharged tomorrow morning, mom," I reminded, wondering if she was showing symptoms of dementia.