Sub Rosa Ties ( A High School Dark Romance)

Zera

I'm in a state of numbness.

I can feel it. Ever since Saturday night, my mind hasn't been functioning properly.

The voice that used to speak to me in my head has been silent for a while now, especially since I started spending more time with Gerard. But these days, it's become my constant companion and confidant, always whispering in my ears, telling me how filthy and careless I am.

It tells me it's my fault that I attract men who always want to assault and take advantage of me. And it's true.

I believe the voice. It's always spoken the truth, but I never paid attention to it. I was careless. I should have been more cautious with Gerard out in the woods.

But I couldn't have resisted it, every inch of my body responds to his touch like a surge of energy.With his tongue nestled between my thighs, how was I to concentrate on Austin nearby capturing a video of us.

It's all my fault. Trusting Austin was a mistake, as was getting close to him. Visiting his house after buying into his lies was a grave error on my part.

I've completely messed things up, and now, even at school, the intense gaze he gives me when our paths cross in the hallway is a clear indication that he's ready to release the video to the entire school if I so much as utter a single word.

Mum is concerned. I've been secluding myself in my room as soon as I return from school, avoiding going downstairs to see either of them, and I always wake up last too.

The only times I felt tempted to venture downstairs were when Gerard visited. I recall sobbing uncontrollably in my room as I listened to his gentle murmurs with my mum downstairs.

And then, in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

I couldn't even bring myself to glance out the window at his car, even though I could have.

I crave him, Gerard - his touch, his breath, his laughter, the depth of his voice, his scent, everything about him. But I can't bring myself to confront him or meet his gaze.

I do my best to avoid crossing paths with him at school and steer clear the moment we come face to face. His anger is on the brink, and I can see he's on the edge of losing control, which only reinforces my decision to keep quiet.

I know Gerard well enough to predict he'll cause chaos once he finds out what Austin did to me. But telling him what happened is the last thing I can bring myself to do. I just can't summon the courage.

Yesterday in the garden shed, his touch, his soft pleas for me to talk to him, the turmoil in his deep eyes - it was all so intense.

I could sense he was unraveling, and I was tempted to pour out everything. But I restrained myself, like the fool that I am.

The sound of chairs collapsing and scraping against the floor shattered the silence around me. I had been in a daze, my head resting on my arms as I half-dozed, but at the sudden noise, I snapped awake, jolting my head upright.

The classroom emptied out swiftly, students flooding into the hallway, their whispers tinged with fear and curiosity.

Confusion clouded my expression as I observed the commotion, but I couldn't muster much interest. Instead, I reclined on my desk, preoccupied with devising a plan to rid myself of the video Austin held over me.

I sank my head back onto the desk, closing my eyes in an attempt to drown out the uproar engulfing the room.

"Zera!" Sarah's voice cut through the noise, causing me to bolt upright once more. I pivoted to find her approaching, her eyes brimming with tears and her lips quivering.