Drown by His Love | COMPLETED |

Chapter 21

After that night I never came back in the hospital. I know that he's family was looking for me but we both decided to give space for each other on that night.

Sa unang tatlong araw na wala siya sa tabi ko ay pilit kong kinakayang hindi siya maalala sa bawat sulok ng unit ko.

I miss him

I miss his corny jokes, cheesy lines, his smiles, the meals he cooked for me,his laughs, his voice, his warm palms, his tight hugs, his sweet kisses, his addicting smell. I miss everything about him

Eveynight that I'm looking for him I forced myself to get drunk para mapigilan ko ang sarili kong pumunta sa kanya at makita siya

There is a big regret in my heart for the decision I made for two of us. But I really need to prevent myself harming him kahit pa halos mamatay na ako sa kakainom ay ginagawa ko pa rin para mawalan ako ng lakas at makatulog nalang ako para mapigilan ang sarili kong bumalik kay Ethan

I take a puff on my cigarette while looking at the city view from my veranda hindi ko alam kung nakakailang stick na ako

"You're drinking and smoking again?" Carl suddenly appeared behind my back

"I just can't.. Arghhh I want to see him  so bad!" frustrated kong sabi

"Panindigan mo yang desisyon mo Courtney. Hindi naman mali kahit parehas kayong nahihirapan ay alam kong maganda naman ang kahihinatnan ng panandaliang paghihiwalay niyo"

"What if while we are apart he loses his love for me Carl? Paano kung magsawa siyang mag hintay sa akin?" Hindi ko mapigilang hindi mag overthink alam kong kasalanan ko naman pero ang hirap lang isipin

"Kaya nga tigilan mo yang pagmumukmok mo jan at simulan ung pinangako mo sa kanyang pagheheal mo sasarili mo! Your wasting time Courtney! umpisahan mo na ngayon!Kung malaman lang ni Ethan na ganyan ang ginagawa mo instead of helping yourself talagang mawawalan ng pagmamahal sayo yung tao"

Natahimik ako. Diniin ko ang hawak kong sigarilyo sa dingding

"I just miss him Carl kaya siguro kung ano-anong naisip ko" napahilamos ako ng mukha

"I know he misses you too. Two days after niyang madischarge sa ospital ay bumalik na siya sa Isla" bumalik ang tingin ko kay Carl

So he started to stay away

I should start helping myself too

Kinabukasan ay maaga akong pumunta sa clinic ni Doctora Geronimo. It's my appointment today ayaw kong malate

I shouldn't waste my time. Ethan is doing his part to help me, ang lumayo sa akin

"So Doc. You're telling me that I've almost develop schizophrenia that night?" napaawang ang mga labi ko

"Eventually Courtney, yes. You almost go there. But the good thing is you're still bringing yourself in sanity maybe because when you realized what you did to your Langga pinilit mong kumalma at bumalik sa katinuan and that's a good sign na hindi masyadog malala ang case mo you can still bring your sanity back. But Courtney, sana hindi na maulit yun" Her voice was just in calm tone

" Are you taking the meds that I gave you last time?" umiling ako. Nakainom ako ng ilang beses bago nangyare yun at nung nawala si Ethan ay natigil ako sa pag inom

"Wag matigas ang ulo Courtney you need those. Sabi mo gusto mong tulungan ang sarili mo diba? umpisahan mong inumin yun malaki ang matutulong non sayo and your Mental health is the most important what I'm saying is your sessions with me matters wag kang papalya ng pagpunta dito"