Safiyyah

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Sai da na yi amfani da dukkanin karfin halin da nake da shi sannan na iya cigaba da kallonsa cikin ido, amma abinda na gani a cikin idonsa wasn’t helping my matter at all, abin nan da ya tsaya min a zuciyata naji kamar ya fashe ya tarwatse da zuciyar tawa, ji nayi a gurin zuciyar tawa kamar babu komai, kirjina ya zama empty, duk wasu feeling dina sun tattare sun koma wuyana sun hana ni shakar numfashi. A lokacin ji nake tamkar idan na bude bakina domin yin magana hayaki ne zai fito, hayakin bomb din daya tashi a kirjina ya kuma tarwatsa zuciyata.

Ya bude baki zai yi magana sai kuma ya mayar ya rufe, ya sake budewa a karo na biyu amma maimakon magana sai wani sauti ne ya fito wanda ya tabbatar min da halin da yake ciki. Tabbas tasa zuciyar shima ta tarwatse, amma jiki na yana bani ciwon da yake ji yafi ni wanda nake ji, wannan tunanin kuma shine ya kara min ciwo a nawa kirjin.

Ya dafa kujerar gabansa, daga dukkan alamu yayi hakan ne dan ya hana kansa yanke jiki ya fadi a inda yake tsaye, ya rufe idonsa tare da daga kansa sama fuskarsa tana kallon acn da take aikin da bai hana gumi gangarowa daga cikin gashinsa zuwa gefen kunnuwan sa ba. Babu abinda bazan iya sadaukarwa ba a lokacin dan in karasa inda yake in goge gumin in rike fuskarsa a hannayena in gaya masa dukkan gaskiyar lamarin, babu abinda bazan iya sadaukarwa ba dan in rarrashe shi in gaya masa tarin soyayyarsa dake cike a cikin zuciyata, babu abinda bazan iya sadaukarwa ba a lokacin dan inga kyakykyawan murmushin sa, dan inji kyakykyawar dariyarsa da take sakani nima inyi dariya koda kuwa ina cikin bacin rai ne, babu abinda bazan iya sadaukarwa ba including rayuwata. Amma sai dai kash, wannan magana ce da tafi karfin rayuwar tawa ma gabaki daya.

“Muhammmmad”

Naji muryar da tayi kama da tawa tana kiran sunan sa, sai daga baya na fahimci cewa nice na kira shi, abinda yayi saura daga cikin dagargajajjiyar zuciyata ne yayi kiran tashi zuciyar. Ya bude idonsa sannan ya juyo yana kallona da irin idon da ban taba ganin ya kalle ni dasu ba. Murya can ciki yace yana nuna ni da dogon yatsansa.

“don’t… you… ever… call… my name again. You are not worthy of pronouncing that name ever again. You are much worse than the worse creature that have ever walked the face of this earth. You are lower than the lowest of animals. I… hate… you”
Ya fadi kalmar hate din with so much bitterness than I have ever heard ko da kuwa a cikin movies ne.

Na lumshe idona sannan na saka bottom lip dina in between my teeth tare da cizawa har sai da naji taste din jini a bakina. Bana jin a tsahon rayuwata da akwai wata kalma mai daci da aka gaya min kamar kalmomin I hate you da naji daga bakin sa. Na bude busassun idanuwana na sake zubasu a kansa. Ya nade hannayensa a kirjinsa, maybe he was trying to stop his chest from exploding, sannan ya zagaye kujerar ya tako zuwa gabana ya tsaya har lokacin idanuwansa a kaina yace “na tausayawa kaina matuka, but I pity your husband more, bai yi sa’ar mace ta gari ba, bai yi sa’ar uwar yaya ta gari ba” ya fada yana sauke dubansa zuwa kan ciki na a dai dai lokacin da abinda ke cikin ya motsa, na saka hannu biyu na rike cikin kamar mai kokarin hana babyn fadowa kasa, kamar mai kokarin boye cikin bayan kuma purposely dan in nuna masa cikin nazo office din na sa.

Ya hadiye wani yawun takaicin da ni kaina sai da naji dacinsa a nawa bakin. Sannan ya sake cewa cikin kakkausa kuma budaddiyar murya. “I hate you Safiyya, irin kiyayyar da ban taba yiwa wani ba a duniya, irin kiyayyar da na tabbatar ita annabi yace kar mu yiwa junan mu, I hate you more than I have ever loved you” na cire idona daga cikin nasa na sauke su kasa, a zuciyata for the thousands time ina addu’ar Allah ya dauki raina, sai na samu kaina da kallon kyawawan takalman da suke kafarsa, takalman da ni na siya masa su on his last birthday, ranar da ta zamo ginshikin rushewar dukkan burikan rayuwata.

Na tuno da hirarrakin mu na ranar, kalmomin da muka gaya wa junan mu da kuma wadanda bamu fada ba, wadanda muka barwa zukatanmu. Sai na samu kaina da yin gajeren murmushin da yafi kuka ciwo sannan na dago kaina ina cigaba da kallon idon sa nace “love? You never told me you loved me, maybe da ka fada da tun a lokacin na gaya maka ni matar aure ce”