Domestic Polycule AU

Saving Quiet Adam

A/N: Incredibly and serious TW!!!! Suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, severe depression. Reader's discretion advised. Angst with a happy ending.

Sometimes, the thoughts were too loud to ignore, but he did it anyways.

It wasn't that he was unhappy with his life, quite the contrary. Adam was so fucking happy with his life. Unfortunately, major depressive disorder didn't give a flying fuck about if he was living a good life.

Adam thought on the darker spectrum all the time. He couldn't help it, probably. He'd never really thought to try. Where one could look at the shining sun, he was see a ball of gas and fire bound to destroy everything into nothing. Where would their energy go if it couldn't be destroyed? He wondered about that often. Where one might see a mistake as a defining moment of change and progress, he saw them as inevitable and crushing weights upon his soul.

He knew that every six months he would have an emotional dip, and it would likely be like that until the day his screaming soul was plucked from his body like the seeds from an apple core. Adam was unafraid of death, he was not afraid to die and he never had been. Death meant done, and though he was living a happy life, he was subconsciously spent. That's where he pushed those dark thoughts, the ones that told him to do things he shouldn't do most likely.

It came from a different place than the simple Call Of The Void, his favorite human characteristic. Cactus? Poke it. Jellyfish? Touch it. Fire? Burn the nearest thing. Bleach? Drink it. It wasn't as monotonous and constant as the much darker thoughts he had rampaging through his head.

Every sharp drop he found himself looking down into, his legs twitched with the urge to jump. Not for impulse, but really truly thinking about ending his life. Every time he saw a knife the urge to plunge it into his chest was louder than Hazel laughing giddily as he tried to explain to Anna that loose glitter was not a morning thing, and never would be.

Adam turned and gave her a stern look. "Anna, put the glitter away. It's not an any day thing as far as I'm concerned."

"Bully."

He narrowed his eyes at her and she huffed. "Good girl."

The little happy wiggle gave him a joy he tried to desperately hold onto.

Even his depression medication didn't work to stop the spiraling, one day he woke up and the sun was black. It hadn't been this bad in a very long time. He searched inside himself boredly and found nothing but darkness today. Sighing, he glanced at his partners.

Anna's head was tucked into Hazels arm as she laid on her side and the later on his back because he was so broad she could use him to sleep on like a couch cushion. Adam preferred to spoon her, to have her close to him and his head resting just below Hazels wrist so he could stroke at his hair.

After surviving a hemorrhagic episode, Adam was needlessly afraid nothing would kill him. He'd lost a ridiculous amount of blood on accident and he had still failed. He couldn't have gotten it more perfect, even if it had just been him swinging his legs almost cheerfully on the kitchen counter. Hazels hand felt like it was brushing off the darkness and blood that followed him around like Eeyores fucking cloud.

He trudged into the kitchen and grabbed the first bottle of alcohol he could find. His partners were all a bit of an alcoholic bunch, all trying to keep things light and fluffy to escape from whatever their trauma had to offer when things got too quiet.

Things were too quiet now actually, six creaks just barely audible under the louder than normal hum of their fridge had turned into no more, and he closed the door to see his smallest girlfriend looking up at him.