[ ᴛᴀᴠʏᴠɪs ᴏɴᴇsʜᴏᴛs ]

im a mess, but im the mess that you wanted.

in the writing mood, so expect a bunch of random stories. The play is almost over, we got a few more rehearsals then a few shows. 

this might need a trigger warning, as mentions of eating disorders / eating disorder and possible other sensitive topics. please seek help if you struggle with ED. 

(PS: im so grateful for the amount of views and likes, also my friend pointed out this  is #18 in taylor #6 in popstar  and #4 in tnt. im so grateful for all those who voted / comment!!)

(ALSO I NEED IDEAS PUT THEM IN THE DROPBOX OR IF YOUR LAZY PUT THEM IN THE COMMENTS)

...

night 1

Standing on the stage, I felt the oppressive heat bearing down on me. How had it become so scorching out here? Gasping for air, I closed my eyes, recalling a trick I'd learned years ago during times when nearly passing out onstage was all too common due to neglecting to eat.

There was a burning sensation on my back, possibly a sunburn or something worse. I choose to ignore it;  the now needed to go on. 

 With a snap, I emerged from my momentary daze, flipping on my performance mode. I knew I had to push through and complete this concert, as if it were the final act of my life.

...

As the stage lift lowered me down, an overwhelming wave of exhaustion engulfed me. Out of sight, I collapsed onto the unforgiving floor, desperate for air as my vision blurred. Amidst the cacophony of shouts, I felt hands lifting me upright, stripping away the jacket I had used for my performance of "Karma" from my overheated body. My parched throat cried out for water, but as I attempted to speak, no words escaped, reminiscent of the once-fluid flow on stage.

"Taylor, please drink this," one of my assistants urged, offering water to my parched lips. I complied eagerly, recognizing my urgent need for hydration.

Though my breaths still came raggedly, the desperate gasping had subsided, replaced by a steadier rhythm.

...

Night 2 (cancelled)

Standing in the dressing room, I regarded my reflection in the mirror with unease, the events of last night replaying in my mind. But most prominently, it wasn't my own emotions that haunted me.

What was Ana feeling before she passed?

The thought of the unfortunate girl brought a lump to my throat, threatening tears. It shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be preparing for this show.

I paced the room once more, the rhythmic click of my heels echoing alongside my murmurs. Tree would surely arrive soon, either urging me to proceed or announcing a successful postponement.

A knock interrupted my thoughts.

"Taylor, it's me" Tree's voice called from the other side of the door.