[ ᴛᴀᴠʏᴠɪs ᴏɴᴇsʜᴏᴛs ]

come one, come all, its happening again (tw)

(TW: EATING DISORDER, DEPRESSION EPISODE, BAD THOUGHTS)

she is here to destroy you will not have a part 2, sorry. 

...

I lay in bed, cocooned in the comforting embrace of darkness. The wall stood stoically beside me, an unwavering sentinel in the quiet sanctuary of my room. It didn't judge, it didn't question, it simply existed—a silent companion in my solitude.

I wished, just for a moment, that I could be like the wall. Unaffected by the outside world, impervious to the expectations and scrutiny that weighed heavy on my shoulders. If only I could be as indifferent, as unyielding, as unassuming as that wall.

With a heavy sigh, I turned in bed, my weary eyes seeking refuge in the solace of sleep. But before I could drift away into the oblivion of dreams, the sound of the door downstairs pierced through the stillness of the night. Was it Travis? A friend? Perhaps my security, summoned by some unseen trouble. I didn't have the energy to care.

"Taylor?" The voice, familiar yet tinged with concern, floated up the stairs. Selena. Of course, Travis or someone else must have sent her to check on me. I ignored her, hoping that by closing my eyes, I could pretend she wasn't here, that I was alone in my secret garden where the troubles of the world couldn't reach me.

But Selena was persistent, her determined footsteps drawing nearer until she stood at the threshold of my room. With a gentle push, she opened the door, her worry evident in the furrow of her brow.

"Taylor, oh God, you look like your...dead...." Selena's voice trailed off as she rushed to my side, her concern palpable in the air.

"Good," I muttered under my breath, my words barely audible even to myself.

But Selena wasn't about to let me retreat into the shadows of my despair. She prodded, she questioned, she peeled back the layers of my self-imposed isolation until the truth lay bare before her.

"Taylor, what's wrong? Did something happen? You're so pale, and skinny..." Selena's voice was laced with concern, her worry etched in the lines of her face.

I sank deeper into the bed, pulling the covers over my head in a feeble attempt to shield myself from her probing gaze. Maybe if I disappeared beneath the blankets, I could escape the weight of her scrutiny, the burden of her concern. 

But Selena wasn't easily deterred. With a swift motion, she snatched the covers away, leaving me exposed and vulnerable beneath her gaze.

"I'm calling Travis. And I'm getting you some food," she declared, her tone leaving no room for argument as she reached for her phone.

I didn't have the strength to protest. So I lay there, enveloped in the silence of my room, as Selena took charge, determined to pull me back from the brink of my own darkness.

...

"TAYLOR." Travis's voice sliced through the heavy air, filled with concern and urgency. He stormed into the room, his presence commanding attention.

"I ate food, calm down," I muttered, feeling a surge of irritation at the drama surrounding me. Selena had practically forced me to eat chicken tenders, threatening to take me to the hospital if I didn't comply. I couldn't risk the media catching wind of my struggles—not now, not ever.

"Calm down is the last thing I need to do. You look sick, Taylor," Travis retorted, his tone softening as he settled next to me on the bed.

He gently scooped me into his lap, a comforting warmth enveloping me as he held me close. Selena excused herself to give us some privacy, closing the door behind her.

Travis's fingers trailed through my hair as I leaned into his comforting embrace, seeking solace in his presence.

"You need to tell me when this is happening," Travis implored, his voice tinged with concern as he continued to stroke my hair.

"It's really hard," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper as I buried my face in his chest.

"I'll always be here for you, Tay. No matter what," Travis reassured me, his words a soothing balm to my troubled soul.

I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes and streaming down my cheeks. Despite my efforts to be strong, I couldn't hold back the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm me.

"Shh, it's okay. Everything will work out, dear," Travis whispered, his gentle touch tracing soothing patterns along my back.

"Let's watch a movie," Travis suggested, lifting me effortlessly into his arms and carrying me downstairs.

With Selena gone, it was just the two of us. Travis gently placed me on the couch, tucking a cozy blanket around me for warmth.

He arranged an assortment of snacks on the coffee table, ensuring we had everything we needed for a cozy movie marathon.

Cuddling up together, we lost ourselves in the world of cinema for the rest of the afternoon, the warmth of Travis's embrace and the comfort of his presence wrapping around me like a protective shield against the turmoil within.

"Us against the world,

just you and me"

- Back to the basics, lana del rey.