The Smartphone Saga: A Distracted Journey of Spells and Signals

Prologue

It all began with hydraulics. They went out on an 18-wheeler right as it was going up the overpass. Incidentally, Jasson (Moderni Teenagerius) was passing beneath the overpass at the time.

Jasson's phone dinged and he whipped it out, stepping from beneath the bridge. Above him, a squeal and a crunch signaled doom breaking through a failed barrier. Distracted, Jasson was busy waiting for TikTik to open. The big rig careened over the edge and teetered briefly, shattered pieces raining around Jasson.

Come on! Jasson urged his phone, watching Tik Tik as a guardrail missed him by inches. I have signal! Load Tik Tik-

KA-BOOM!

The next step Jasson took was into heaven and he didn't even notice.

****

"Hmmm," Kami sat behind a normal-looking desk in the middle of white oblivion, "Jasson Boar. Your death made me laugh. You will be reincarnated."

"Okay," Jasson said, looking at his dead phone. They'd been through so much together. Jasson had arrived in the land of souls and found that his phone didn't have one.

"I am sorry to break the bond between you and your smartphone," Kami said, "I understand there is quite a dependency between the young and their phones."

"Whatever Mr. Sama," Jasson said, feeling at the empty part of his soul that his phone once filled. Jasson knew that he was going to replace it one day, but it would never be truly gone. It would reincarnate into a new phone and go on with him. They'd never be apart. But now it was more dead than he was, every screenshot and memory nothing but silicon on the wind.

"If I'm honest," Kami Sama said, "I don't feel right reincarnating you without your beloved phone. I will do my best to remake it at your side in your next life."

"No cap?!" Jasson said, heaven finally brightening in his eyes, "Thanks! Do your best to upgrade it as well, will you? Make it rizzy?"

Kami Sama bowed, which Jasson found a bit weird. But who was he to judge? Maybe this guy was Japanese, like the old men in the TikTik anime videos. Kami certainly had some strange powers.

"But now that I think about it," Kami said, "I don't feel right reincarnating you into an infant form with your phone. It seems...too much. I have learned to respect the attachment of the Opad generation, but I refuse to participate in suckling you at the silicon teet. I saw that it was bad for developing minds on the Phasebook. So I will remake you in the next world entirely as you are now. I'm sure that I can find some spare ribs somewhere for a complete reconstitution."

Jasson glazed out after five seconds of Kami talking and tried to scroll on his phone. The black screen of horror greeted him and snapped Jasson back to unreality.

"So..." Jasson gestured, trying to remember what Kami Sama had said. Something about ribs? Was he going to have a barbecue?

"I'm saying," Kami said, face twitching in annoyance, "that I will remake you. You will reincarnate as you are now, only enhanced so that you may live a vigorous and hopefully long life. Along with your phone to keep you company, I am sure you will live to the fullest. Your fullest anyways."

"Improvements?" Jasson looked at his black screen, "Yeah. Improve away. Whatever. So how do I charge my phone?"

"Not here," Kami said, "You'll charge it with magic on your new Earth. I'll do my best to adapt what-"

"Magic?" Jasson focused on Kami for the first time, "I get magic? A magical world?!"

"Yes," Kami seemed taken aback, "The works. Have you ever seen an 'Other World' story? Isekai is common, or LitRPG. Perhaps a novel?"

"Yeah," Jasson said, coming to the end of his consecutive focus abilities, "I see clips of them on Tik Tik all the time. Black hair, sword, all that rizz. I never see the point of watching them all the way through though."

"Of course," Kami said, sighing, "It would take too long for you. I understand that, excluding comedic cat videos, the attention span of the young rarely exceeds that of a Mayfly."

"Huh," Jasson snapped back from glazing out, "What? Fly? Can I fly?"

Kami sighed, face twitching in irritation, "Eventually I'm sure. However, both you and your phone will have limits. For instance, you will only be able to consume from your old world. No messages back. One way only."

"One way only," Jasson repeated, struggling to pay attention without his phone, "I can keep using TikTik?"

"Yes," Kami said, "but no posting those...what are they called? Vines?"

"What's a vine?" Jasson said, swiping on his blank phone, "Is it like a VCR?"

"Why on earth would you-" Kami took a calming breath, "Never mind. Let's begin. Shall we? No, that was not a question."