Saint

11 | Cerise

A/N: Trigger Warning: Mention of depression, medication(pills)

***

Bliss.

Perfect happiness. Absolute contentment. Extreme satisfaction.

It could be a nap while it's pouring rain, or driving with the windows down on a nice Spring evening. A favorite snack after a rough day and even a hug from that person treasured most. Not to mention nestling under sheets fresh from the dryer.

These were just a few things that allowed Cerise to experience utter bliss.

Believe it or not, it was rare for her to have such clarity on what she loved about life. Most days were spent going through the motions. Like a machine, only capable of following orders. Get good grades. Get a job with benefits, one with a respected title. Do this, don't do that. She spent 18 years of her life doing what was expected of her. Used so much of her time pleasing others she didn't have any time to explore the world to find out what she enjoyed in life. To uncover what made her human.

At first, she couldn't detect what was wrong with her. Well, what was wrong with her brain at least. Yes, her mother was strict in raising her and sure, she did experience loss at a young age. But other than that, she wasn't abused nor did she think she had any form of extreme trauma. So why did it appear that other people could experience all of the emotions the world could draw out? Meanwhile, her own emotions had typically fluctuated between sadness, contentment, and anger.

When she sought out a therapist due to feeling numb for a little too long, they claimed it could be a chemical imbalance. They gave her a real professional paper that stated she had mild anxiety and moderate depression, then suggested she try antidepressants and a sedative that would help her sleep when she was struggling with insomnia.

So she took her medicine as instructed. Once a day. Every morning. Until one day her heart started racing and it felt like she couldn't breathe. Suddenly she was feeling too much.

That was the last day she took her pills.

Cerise could have complained of side effects. Try and find an alternative prescription that worked for her, but truth be told she couldn't afford to. She had no support system, nor a "big girl" job with benefits that made seeking help cheaper. What was she to do?

Absolutely nothing. She would continue as she always had. She would go through the motions, revel in the small moments of bliss, and hope that they would be enough to carry her until the next one. She planned to navigate life like this until she was in a position that allowed her to do what brought her joy without consequence, without the guilt of choosing her own path.

Ever since stepping foot into Skin Deep, moments of pure happiness have been more abundant. Of course, she was still an anxious young woman hoping the world would take it easier on her, but she could confidently say that she was the happiest she'd ever been in a long time.

Oh, sweet bliss. What did I do to get a taste of you today?

After multiple attempts to snuggle deeper into her pillow, Cerise gave up with a huff. She couldn't complain too much as she was still pretty comfortable in her current position. With a body still waking from the influence of sleep, she yawned and relaxed further into the firm structure underneath her cheek.