MILF | JJK

nineteen

[not edited, not really a fan of this chapter so i'll most likely be rewriting it later]

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

I buried my face in the pillow, hoping its comforting embrace would muffle the sound of my tears. But with each attempt to wipe them away, they only seemed to multiply, stubbornly clinging to my lashes.

I found myself alone in Jungkook's bed after last night and I could hear that he was awake in the kitchen.

It was super early in the morning and I knew I had to get up soon and get ready for work but I couldn't help but glued to his bed as I cried quietly, hoping for my sobs to not echo into the kitchen.

This was the first time I'd ever been apart from Trey and Destiny. Sure, there were times when they stayed over at my parents' place for a night or two, especially when Robert and I were going through tough times in our marriage. But back then, my parents were just a ten-minute drive away, always close enough if we needed them.

Generally, my kids were always by my side.

They never went off on sleepovers. When he was a baby, Trey was with me everywhere – whether it was at my high school retail job or while I was cleaning stores during my summer vacation. And when Trey started school and Destiny was still little, she'd come along with me to the salon, while Trey would help out after school and take care of her. Wherever I went, my kids came too. I kept a close watch on them, always.

Every single day, when Trey walked home from middle school and picked up Destiny from elementary school, I'd call his teachers to make sure he left the school grounds with his sister, and then I'd check in with Mrs. Dabney to confirm they both got home okay. I was always just so paranoid, always needing to be around them.

Even though Trey was 20 and Destiny was 15, the thought of being away from them made me feel physically ill. I couldn't shake the feeling, constantly plagued by thoughts of them and tears welling up in my eyes. And as if that wasn't enough, worries about money started creeping in, and a small part of me couldn't shake the concern over last night.

Was it the right decision?

It felt good in the moment but now in the morning, I realized what I really did.

Seeing I've only had sex with Robert in my lifetime so I didn't really know what I was getting myself into last night.

Sex with Robert was very straightforward and relatively brief. It never lasted more than five minutes— it was very straight to point and mostly about his own pleasure.

But last night I was doing things I couldn't even believe was possible and getting turned on by things I didn't even know existed. I felt like a 16 year old girl all over again, confused on what to do, confused on what was going on, and where I did anything right? I was so confused.