not strong enough~ walker scobell

~ten

My feet trailed the stairs slowly to my front door to let Xóchitl in after the bell rang.

The door swung open, revealing Xóchitl, Dior, and Charlie standing in a line, looking like somebody had died.

"Oh, Cam," Dior said, reaching in to hug me as my body became more numb. "I'm so sorry about everything," she said, rubbing my shoulder.

"It's whatever," I said, letting them move past me.

"Look, we need to talk to you about everything," Xóchitl said as she removed her shoes.

"Ok," I said dismissively. "But look, I don't want to hear anything about Walker," I said, leading them into my living room.

The three of them made glances at each other.

"What do you mean?" Charlie said, sitting on the couch next to Dior.

"I just don't want to hear what happened afterward with him, ok? I can't deal with that right now," I said, covering myself with a blanket.

They all looked at each other again, then back at me.

"Ok, cool, no Walker talk at all," Dior said.

"So, how are you doing?" Xóchitl asked.

"Fine, I guess," I said. "I mean, I just feel numb about it all."

"Are you processing everything well?" Charlie asked.

"I mean, I guess, I always knew that someone could do what Brady did, so that makes it a little bit better, and I think I fully processed that, but I haven't even been able to think about Walker," I said.

"I think we are done with Brady after that; I mean, he broke bridges the second he said that," Charlie said.

"Yeah, after it happened, the three of us left right after you did because it was disgusting what he called you and the fact that he did it in the first place," Xóchitl said. "I haven't spoken to him since and don't plan on it."

"You don't need to break up with him because of me," I said.

"It's not because of you," she said. "It's more just the fact that he would say that in the first place, to anyone, and how he's been treating people for a while now."

"I never liked him from the start; he was always hostile towards people," Dior said.

"Also, in time, you will process Walker, and whatever happens between you and him, we are always going to be there for you," Xóchitl said.

"Yeah, I don't know; I just want to blame myself for everything because maybe if I hadn't let Brady discover it, then we wouldn't be here, or maybe if I had let Walker get too close, then this situation would have never happened," I said, starting to cry.

"Don't blame yourself for Brady's faults. He's a pig, and he should have never done what he did," Xóchitl said. "You deserve to find love the same way everybody else can, and you should feel the need to hide that from people."

"You don't get it," I said.

"What do you mean?" Xóchitl said

" You don't get what it feels like to be transgender, I yelled through my tears. "Every day I live, from morning to night, I'm forced to think about it 24/7. No matter who I talk to or what I do, it is something that I need to consider. And yes, I wish I could find love, and I know I deserve it, but there is always that variable to consider. One that can make or break relationships in an instant. One that can change the way people think about you at a glance. One that could get me killed."

At this point, I was sobbing at a group of people who didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry for yelling. I'm not mad at you. I'm just so fucking tired of everything." I said, wiping my tears.

"It's completely fine, Cam. You have a lot going on, and I know we can't fully understand everything, but we can try and help you, so just let us know what we need to do," Xóchitl said, looking at Dior and Charlie, then back at me.

"Just let us know," Dior said.

"Thank you, guys," I said, sniffling and smiling.

We then sat around for about 30 minutes and talked about life until Xóchitl's phone buzzed.

As she looked down at her phone, she had a mood change that I couldn't quite pinpoint.

"Hey Cam, I know you said not to say anything about Walker, but I need to tell you something," Xóchitl said.

"Did he just text you? " I asked

"Yeah," she replied.

"Show me," I said, scotching over to her.

The message was read out. "Are you with Cam?"

"Say yes," I said.

"Okay," Xóchitl replied, typing the message and sending it.

Within the minute, another message came, reading, "I'm on my way to her house."

a/n:

Did I write two new parts in a week?!?!?! I'm not sure if next week I'm going to lose all motivation, but I'm happy where the story's at now, so idk. I love you guys.🩷🙌🙌🙌😆😆⚡️