Break me until there's nothing left

14

Hanni

Three months later.....

It was such a hard thing to do, leaving Minji has emotionally destroyed me so bad. I thought that leaving her was the right thing to do but I guess it wasn't, not for me at least.

Guilt was eating me up, knowing the state I left her in. She really didn't want me to go. And for the past three months, all I could think about was going back to her.

I realized that no matter what, we might just be meant for each other, and nothing would be able to change that.

After some time, I've come to accept the fact that everything she did to me, was because of the trauma she went through for picking me.

I was her daily reminder of everything that happened.

She didn't deserve it all, Minji was the kindest, sweetest, and loving person ever. And to think that my parents could go to such lengths to try and separate us, made shivers go down my spine.

I looked down at my stomach, even if I try to get away from her, the universe will bring us back together.

"Are you going to tell her?" Danielle asked, who sat beside me on her spacious couch, I turned to look at her. Caring eyes stared right back at me.

Danielle let me stay in her house with Haerin, they've both been nothing more than sweet to me. Haerin can be a little cold, but she cares in her own way.

I feel bad for interrupting their daily life like this, but Danielle wouldn't let me leave, insisting that it was best for me to stay here.

And well Haerin, she didn't really care about my presence in the house because as Danielle had said, Haerin also cared about my well being.

I won't deny that it was awkward at first, because you know, I didn't know Haerin that well. Haerin didn't like interrupting Danielle's time with her friends.

And me moving in with them was like skipping so many steps of our proper introduction to each other. But, you could say we warmed up to each other, but she keeps a respectful distance from me, because of course, I'm her girlfriend's best friend and there are always limits on how close we can get.

"I don't know, it feels wrong to keep it from her." I said as I placed my hand over my belly. Danielle only let out a soft smile.

"Trust your gut, Hanni. It'll know what you have to do." She said and I only looked at her. "If you're going to ask me what I think, I'll say that you should keep this baby from her and grow this baby up yourself because I know you can. You're a strong and independent woman." She said and I felt a slight tug at my heart, at the thought of growing this baby all alone.

"But, if I were a little more honest, the baby needs the both of you, and it can't be someone you'd meet later on to fill the place that  rightfully belongs to Minji." She said, and I know she's right.

And my gut is also telling me she's right, it's also telling me to go to her and tell her.

But, how?

"I haven't heard of her in so long, I recently called Dr. Choi and she said that she doesn't know of Minji either. What if something happened to her? I wouldn't even be able to tell her that I'm pregnant, I don't think I'd be able to live with the guilt that something happened to her." I said, and it was true.

I regret cutting all contact with her, because now all my heart does is worry about her. It's as if earth had swallowed her whole, making her disappear.

I've passed by my house a couple of times, and it looks deserted now, the grass had completely over grown, mold was forming on the walls, the house has no life.