Break me until there's nothing left

11

Hanni

I didn't expect Minji to really show up again after everything I said. It's been a couple of days since I last saw her. I was getting released from the hospital today.

A part of me feels like I over exaggerated and put a blame on her shoulders, a blame that belonged to no one.

Dr. Choi had came in and explained what happened, the seizure was too strong for the baby to handle.

Was it my fault?

I felt as if a part of me was ripped out of me, I was happy to one day be able to hold this baby in my arms. But now, there's no baby.

My world was back to gray.

I'm back to square one, and I don't know what to do. I felt that this was my chance to leave and never come back, but then again...

I can't do this to Minji, I can't abandon her.

Call me stupid all you want, but I wouldn't want Minji to feel that, after her parents abandoned her, I don't think she'd appreciate me doing the same.

It as sad, and so messed up how the left her here as they went far away, Minji never really said anything about her parents or why they left.

I never really dared to touch the subject, a simple graze started the volcano in Minji.

I let out a sigh as I looked down at the time, I wonder if Minji received the call of my release today.

Either that.

Or she's ignoring me, I didn't mean to say all that I did, I was angry and torn apart. I lost my baby. I entered a state of denial for a bit.
Even though I still can't fully process it.

There was no more purpose for me to stay here and watch everyone else be happy, I lost the one thing that kept me together.

I don't have a future with Minji anymore, no matter how much I still love and care for her. What we had changed long ago.

And there's no bringing it back.

I really want to be with Minji, but I don't think I can deal with this any longer. I'm giving her my all, and it doesn't seem to be enough.

Will I ever be enough?

I don't know what caused this change in her. I've said this a million times, but she was perfect. She was the perfect lover.

I saw myself getting married and having kids with her, it was the perfect image inside my head.

The image now burned along with all the fading memories I have with her.

A part of me believes that something happened while I was gone when I went to the trip. Maybe she got mad? I should've taken her with me.

But my parents wouldn't have allowed that, my friends even said my parents had made the trip plans which was weird to me.

Besides the point, something had shifted in Minji the day I came back. She was different, she even looked different.

That's the moment I realized that my Minji was gone.

Gone forever.

-

I couldn't contain my excitement as I got out the cab, there stood Minji. Her hands in her pocket as she was giving me a small smile.

I hadn't seen her in two weeks, and I missed her so much. A part of me regretted going to that trip because I had left her here alone.

I texted her from now and then but she didn't really reply to me as much. Which made me a little worried.