Break me until there's nothing left

13

Minji

I looked at Hanni when those words slipped my mouth, her eyes had widened and her jaw had dropped as she stood there. She was looking at me as if I was some crazy person.

Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

I looked away from her, knowing that deep inside I have to tell her the whole story, tell her about how her parents ruined me completely.

Maybe even tell her about my disorders. But, what would she even think of me? And would she even stay if I tell her? Would she believe me?

I let out a sigh.

Me, as in Kim Minji and not the Minji that lives inside my head, cares for her more than I am able to show.

"What are you saying?!" Hanni's yell caught me by surprise making me jump, I looked back at her and there was fury in those brown orbs of her's. I furrowed my eyebrows as she came closer to me, anger could be seen and it suddenly made me feel small.

"My parents might've not liked our relationship, but they wouldn't do such thing, so don't you blame them!" She yelled again, she was towering over me and her finger pointing at me.

"Is she blaming us right now?!"

I had no time for the voice in my head, right now I could only look at the fuming woman in front of me.

"How could you say such thing?! Are you crazy?! Stop making shit up." She said, I decided to stand up. I started it so I must finish it.

"I'm not lying! They killed my parents, Hanni. Why would I make such thing up?!" I yelled back causing her to take a step back as she looked at me in disbelief.

"They wouldn't do such thing, they wouldn't hurt anyone!" I realized that we would only go yelling back and forth, but her sentence angered me, they wouldn't hurt anyone? Really?

I started to take my shirt off, "what are you doing?" She asked confused as I also took off my bra.

"You said they wouldn't hurt anyone, then tell me what this is?" I said as I turned my back on her.

That night, not only did one bullet hit me, it was two near each other. Scars were left behind, I made sure to never get fully naked around Hanni.

I always left my shirt on, just to hide these stupid scars. I tried to keep them hidden so that I wouldn't remember that night.

The bullet pieces were never fully removed, no matter for how long I laid on that surgery bed, trying to stay alive, or how much effort the doctors put in.

I was left with that eternal shoulder discomfort, because of them. And how could Hanni say that they wouldn't hurt anyone? Does she not know her parents even the tiniest bit?

I heard her gasp, "what are those?" She asked, I felt her hand press against my back making me freeze. Her touch against my skin was fire burning against me.

"Bullet scars." I simply said as she kept running her hand around my shoulder. "They couldn't have done this..." she whispered out, I felt tears forming in my eyes.

I felt so exposed and vulnerable right now, I was showing her the scars that marked me for life, the pair of bullets that changed me in the worst way possible.

I felt her retract her hand, letting me turn back around. She was looking at me with unreadable eyes. They seemed to be in contemplation.

"Do you know how much damage they caused me, Hanni?" I asked her as I took a step closer to her.

I wasn't angry, no that was never me, I wasn't about to let the voice inside my head ruin it right now.

I can't let her leave me.