Break me until there's nothing left

20

Hanni

I looked up at my mother who was painting the beautiful bright blue sky on the canvas in front of her.

"The sky looks beautiful, doesn't it?" She asked me, looking down at me with a smile on her face.

A smile that managed to take all my little worries away

I didn't answer her as I turned to look up at the beautiful sky. She was right.

"Hanni, let me tell you something." She said, grabbing my tiny body and lifting me up, placing me on her lap.

"When you get older, I know you'll be the most beautiful woman alive. And I know that I'll be proud of you no matter what." She said, placing a sweet kiss on the side of my head.

"I want to be like you." I said looking at her, she was taken back by my words."Why like me?" She asked confused.

"You're the best mom in the world! And when I'm a mom, I want to be like you." I said, looking up at her.

She only looked at me with a sweet smile. "Isn't it a little to early in life to be thinking about that little one?" She asked as she started to tickle me.

I only laughed as I tried to get out her grip.

After a couple of seconds she stopped, pulling me close to her. I leaned into her embrace even more.

There's nothing I loved more than her hugs, they were what I called peace. Or so sought to believe what peace was.

"I love you, always remember that." She said and I felt warmth form in my chest at her words.

"I love you too, mom." I said as I swung my legs back and forth. I could only get comfortable in her hold as she went back to painting.

She started to hum a tune I was so familiar with, my eyes closing as I focused on the gentle touch of her hand on the side of my head.

"I will love you forever, my little one."

-

Sometimes, I dread to be able to go back in time, and stop this madness from happening. But, would've it really changed anything?

Would've it still been the same outcome?

"....Mrs. Pham to be sentenced for life without parole!"

Upon hearing this, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders but only to make another weight replace it. 

I looked at the panic setting in my mother's eyes as she started to frantically shake her head.

"I'm innocent, I swear!" Her yelling in the court echoed off the walls. Her pleads of innocence caused me pure agony.

How could she call for innocence? When she did what she did. I could only seal my eyes shut as her voice became a ring in my ears.

She was in denial of what will happen to her once she stepped foot into that cell.

I didn't know what to feel, or if I was even supposed to be feeling anything for her. She's my mother regardless of it all.

But my heart has no sympathy for her. It never will.

"Hanni! Don't let them take me, please!"

I could only lower my head as they were pushing her out of the court room, my mother's please ringing in my ear.

I couldn't look at her, I didn't want to.