Chapter 97
Lisa
Why are women so damn complicated? And why does it bother me so much? There have been so many moments in my life when I didn't know where my head was or what was my name because women were so confusing. An example! When they're mad, they say 'It's fine' when it obviously isn't, then they use the first opportunity to start a freaking Armageddon fight. Just why! Tell me in that very moment what the fuck is up and that's it! No screaming needed, no scratching, no crying, no I-am-a-victim tantrums, no nothing.
Just look at Irene. She always says 'That's behind us. It doesn't matter anymore.' But if I as much as sit on a wrong chair, she lashes out and drags Bambam into the mess as well without giving him any explanation. 'If you're engaged to me, you'll blindly be on my side.' is the kind of policy she's got going on there.
The same thing now goes for Jennie. She dropped Leo off in the early afternoon, so not that long after I've already left. She kind of looked like she's in a hurry, but when I'm in distress, I'm in distress, and I don't care about how busy people are until they calm me down and explain their shit. I pulled her in my apartment - there was no need to have Mina eavesdropping on anything - where I asked her again what went wrong, but she mumbled something about being tired and irritated by Jisoo, but also that it's probably connected to Kai. Everything seems to be so damn connected to him. I get it, six years is a long time, there was serious commitment, engagement, they lived together, but this is getting a bit too much. At first she couldn't say his name. She could barely refer to him simply as 'an ex'. How am I to understand that she can be so careless about him, but that it also gets her in such a grave mood? It's not like he started dating her sister before she successfully got over him... I normally wouldn't care that much about this mess, but... it's Jennie. She has proven to be one of rare people who can and do put up with me. Chill, Lisa. Things will work out.
I should stop obsessing over this. So far it's gotten me nowhere, so I should just think it away, give this thing time, and be done with it. I'll see her soon anyway; there is still time to talk about it if needed. Nonetheless, my worries don't end here. I do what I can to push Jennie aside, which means I need to obsess over something else. What better example than dealing with another woman. I swear, women will be the death of me. But this one, this one in particular is a tough nut to crack. I should know that better than anyone, I've lived with her for 15 years. If I call her too soon, she'll get suspicious and will hang up on me, and despite our relationship that is not the best, this is not the result I'm aiming for. I haven't been in contact with Rosé for... must've been a couple of years at least. I'd show up to birthday parties and certain family gatherings, but other than saying hi to her and telling her to move out of my way there was no other conversation.
Rosé will get suspicious like hell. For years we would look at each other, maybe flip a finger or not, but now suddenly I want to talk to her and get a cup of coffee after Aidan's birthday party? And it's not like we enjoyed each other's company, we just tolerated each other. I haven't even called her yet and I'm tired. Maybe I should wait with calling her another day to make it less obvious someone told me to call her. I think she'll see through it anyway. That will make her jump to the next conclusion that I pity her, and from that point onwards any attempt of mine to get her to feel better will be for nothing. I leave my phone on the coffee table in case somebody else will call. Rosé can wait, especially because she's so distrustful. Leo, who is next to me on the couch, finds the buckle of my belt much more interesting than the colourful elephant I put in his lap. I try to bring his attention back to the elephant, I push it into his hands, I wiggle in midair with it, and every time he goes for it. He always grabs it, bites on it with his toothless gums, then drops it, and returns to my buckle. He puts his chubby fingers in every small gap, and when he gets a strong hold of it, he tries to pull it to his mouth with all the baby power that's in him. While I try to fight him off, I keep him busy otherwise, and have him entertained in some other way, I keep my eyes on the phone. Even when I carefully watch after Leo and his clumsy baby motor skills, I glance at the phone every five seconds.
