51
Jennie – 4 years ago
"Nini, I really don't think this is a good idea." Lisa cringes at the sight of me lying in front of her. I grin, the worry in her eyes had far more emotion than I've seen her display the entire night.
"Aww are you worried about me, Lisa Manoban?" I tease and she rolls her eyes.
"Go on then." She gestures to her friend behind me. "Scar yourself."
My eyes widen at the words, quickly pushing the guy behind me out of the way, Lisa cocking an eyebrow at my actions. "Scar? How much is this going to hurt?"
Lisa smirks, lowering herself down to my level. "A lot."
"You're such a dick." I mutter and she laughs.
"Say the word, Nini. We'll be out of this place faster than I could make
you come."
I almost choke at her words, coughing uncontrollably as her mate smirks
from the corner. "I hate you!" I snap through gritted teeth. "Get on with it." I point at the tattoo gun in the guy's hand. "Do it fast."
"Do you want a shit tattoo?" he counters and I grimace.
"No."
"Then I'll go slow."
"Last chance, Nini." Lisa warns, crossing her arms as I hike my jumper
up past my belly button. I don't miss the way her gaze trails over the bare skin as soon as I reveal it. "The ribs hurt the worst."
"Great." I huff, looking away from her and nodding at the tattoo artist. Squeezing my eyes shut, I bite my lip and wait for the impending doom.
52
Jennie
The next morning I sit wordlessly in the dining room chair, staring across at the black clock on the wall. It's been ticking consecutively for three hundred and twenty two seconds since I last lost count.
I rolled out of bed only an hour ago, not even daring to try and tame the messy bun on top of my head, pulling a blue jumper over my head before stumbling down the stairs to an empty house.
It's the first time I've truly been alone since I came home and I promptly found myself frozen at the bottom of the stairs, staring silently at the closed wooden door across from me. Dad's study.
Finally tearing my gaze away, I walked through the eerily quiet house, ending up in the dining room and falling down onto the chair as a single tear fell down my cheek.
Moving my gaze from the clock, I dare to look at the family picture beside it, Jin and I hanging off the shoulders of a grinning Dad as Mum holds Ella, both our dogs in the corner of the frame. I smile at the memory before a sudden tidal wave of emotion rises inside me, filling up every inch with overwhelming despair.
Exhaling sharply, I tear my gaze away just as the dam breaks, tears spilling over my eyelids and falling straight down my face at the sheer, empty loss that I suddenly feel. There's a hole in my heart, one that can never be healed.
If I had stayed here I would have been with him, have more memories, more time with him. But instead, I left. Dad always encouraged me, telling me I had to do what was right for me, to not let anything hold me back. He was proud, I know he was.
I was so desperate to leave, so excited to attend university, to experience a life outside of the town.
And all for what? I'm an absolute failure, nothing as I expected it to be. It's been three years, and since I left university, everything has completely fallen apart.
53
Jennie
"Jennie?" My brother's voice echoes throughout the house, the sound of a slamming door quickly following.
"Where are you?"
I hastily wipe at my eyes before Jin appears in the doorway, his eyes widening at the state of me.
"Jennie! What's wrong?"
"I'm fine." I try to lie as he rushes in, pulling out the chair next to me and slouching onto it.
"Don't give me that." he retorts. "What is it?"
I look down at the table, shaking my head. "Just... Dad."
"That's not all this is." Jin counters and I internally curse my brother for
always being so damn observant. I sigh, looking up at his concerned eyes before nodding and resting my hands on the table.
"I let Dad down." I admit.
"What!?" Jin exclaims. "No, you didn't!"
"I did."
"Is this about not being here when he was sick? Jennie, he wanted you to
keep studying, he was proud that you managed to get out of this town and do what you wanted!" Jin answers and I feel my eyes well up once more at the words. "What? Jennie!"
"That's just it!" I cry. "He needed me to succeed out there!"
"Jennie, you've lost me!" Jin says, reaching out and grabbing onto my hands.
"I got fired!" I finally reveal, admitting the one thing I've been hiding since I returned. "I lost my job over two months ago and have had no success finding anything else! I haven't been able to pay my rent and therefore I'm being evicted as of the 2nd January." I sob. "I have nothing, Jin! Dad wanted me to stay there so that I could make him proud, but all I've done is disappoint him!"
