Trapped forever: The never-ending captivity of a lost girl.

chapter 6

"divine." i say "im sleeping" "fine then," i get into the bed and i sit next to her, i place her head on my chest puttin my arm around her stroking her hair with my other arm, i get flustered i fall to sleep 6 hours later i rub my eyes seeing the most beautiful view ive ever seen laying on me she wakes up "OHYMGOD" she yells as she gets of the bed fast "what what happened?" "WHY WAS I SLEEPING ON YOU" "welll you kinda told me to stay and u pulled me soo" "I WAS SLEEP TALKING" "idont care" i pull her amr back into bed "come on relax" she feels tense so i start to massage her shoulders "what are you-, never mind continue."

end of pans pov: pan starts to massage my shoulders, it feels nice, but this is kinda akward since i like kinda hate him. he finishes massaging my shoulders "thanks" i get up "well what now" i say "well i have to go see the boys and make breakfast." he whispers in a sleepy voice which was kinda cute ahh what am i thinking pan gets up and waves, he walks out the room. "okayy" i say as he left , i sit up thinking of pan. i know hes like evil but that smile...it looked real i havent seen a real smile like that. it was like my mums smile, it was soft it was kind it was warm it was- i felt a warm wet feeling on my cheek i see that im crying shit. i sniffle and wipe my tears i get up and fix myself up and i sit back down and i slowly raise my pj shorts up *sh scar warning* i slowly feel my old scars while thinking of the dark place i was in i keep sniffling till i hear footsteps i quickly rollmy shorts down "hey div-" pan looks at me confused ""oh..hey" i whisper "well breakfast is ready" he says "oh im okay not hungry" i give a weak smile "ah okay whatever il just uh leave u be i guess" he says closing the door i get up pacing my room those thoughts those terrible thoughts roaming my mind the same thoughts i would hear during my darkest days. i rub my face "can my brain shut up" i take adeep breath why is this happening why am i panicking nothing went wrong what is wrong with me!! i sit down on the cold wooden floor and raise my shorts, i cant do this its notworth it its not worth it, im not worth im not worth it im useless i am i am iam, i slap my face. okay okay umm il just go on a walk yea clear my mind, i clear my throat and leave the room i quickly pick up my pace into the woods i quickly breathe in and out im gonna be fine im gonna be fine i let out a sigh i move the big leaves out the way i take a long blink then relizing im lost. "shit" i walk behing a big tree and i sit down i fidgit with my fingers while breathing in and out maybe a little bit too fast then usally i swallow hard then gasping why cant i breathe my shaky hands grab my throat my i let out a shaky breath. not now not now PLEASE i quickly get up turn around but i hit my head on someone? something? causing me to tumble on the ground "ow" i rub my head then i feel as im getting pulled up i look up to see pan "what are you doing out here divine your supposed to be-" i push him away and i walk away i cant deal with this right now i try gasping for air but nothings happening "DIVINE" he yells i flinch and i turn around trying to hold my tears "s-sorry" i whisper looking at him then quickly looking at my feet "sorry WHAT was that ypur gonna have to speak up LOVE" he yells i gulp "sorry!" i say louder "ye u will be" he quickly walks up to me and grabs my arm please why is this happening i keep breathing in and out not relizing im being loud "do u have asthma or something quit being annoying" he pulls harder "ow s-stop" i whimper. how could i think his silly smile was anything remotly like my - mums. hes not kind hes not soft hes not warm hes horrible hes spiteful hes just the devil just like my dad. i swallow harshly. till we arrive at camp. everyone staring as he pushes me to the floor i try to crawl away but he pulls my leg back "why are you doing this i didnt do anything wrong" i cant hold them back anymore i start to tear up "what- are you seriously crying right now?? your pathetic." he spits i say nothing but cry silently all the boys laughing at me. i am pathetic arent i, "i cant deal with you right now GO" pan yells i walk away quickly. i arrive back to my room. the thpughts are getting too much i- i look around to see a bit of glass on the floor ************TRIGGER WARNING*******************

I grab the glass and i press it against my fraglie skin i cry harder and wince at the pain i watch the blood drip down my thigh one more cut one more to make the pain go. just another. i grab towel i wipe the blood and bandage my thigh. getting up was hard it was hard to walk hes gonna notice. oh whatever. i hop into bed looking at the celining feeling ashamed i was clean i was sober and i had to mess it up. i get startled as i hear a big bang i look up to pan now in my room "what happened over there" i look confused as i look where hes pointing glass and blood shit. what am i going to say "uh i dont,know"