The Story of Us

Rebuttal

You know what they say, hindsight is 20/20. After reflecting on it, I wish I would've shown up to the apartment that night and confronted him. I know he didn't want to start another argument (allegedly) but if my so called best friend wasn't going to stand up for me, I should have just done it myself. I have thought about all the things I would say if I could go back in time and confront him.

"Just sit down and fucking listen to me for once. You seem to hear me but don't always listen to what I say. I love you but this shit you keep pulling isn't cool. You say I am the one who always runs away, and I will admit in high school I was. But now I only run away when you shove me away. Let's reflect for a moment, shall we? First break up, you were angrily demanding I get out of my car. If you were a girl, wouldn't a man being intimidating and demanding you get out of the car make you scared? You dumped me and I said okay and drove off in tears. Next break up, you got scared and "ran" again. Said I was around too much and you needed space. I left to give you that space. The third time, I said something on Snapchat that upset you and you dumped me. I asked to come clarify in person and you denied me that opportunity. Again, you pushed me away. And now. I tried to talk about my feelings then gave you space to discuss yours. You didn't. I asked how we can fix this and you put it all on me, saying 'I don't know, you're the therapist. You figure it out.' I'm not a fucking mind reader. Therapist figure things out because their clients fucking TALK to them. On top of that, as a person who is in this relationship, it's not all on me. I can't fix what's broken if I don't know where it's broken. That would be like you trying to fix a broken car without seeing what's wrong with it. How do you know if you got the right parts in they don't tell you what car it is? And all that shit you said to Jessica? Don't make me laugh. How often did you really watch my shows? The times I was hiding in the room were so I could watch my shows and not make you change yours. Even when you'd go to the bathroom and tell me I could change it, I wouldn't. I have now seen a ridiculous amount of Street Outlaws, Diesel Brothers, Moonshiners, Uncle Joey podcasts... I can go on. You named three shows in that conversation with Jessica and only one of them is a show I actually watched. Kind of pathetic that I can name everything you watch but you get mine wrong. And I know you'd bitch and moan to everyone about me not cleaning enough... to everyone except me. Honestly, if you would've encouraged me more or even worked along side me, I would've done more. But you and Penzo seemed to constantly be having bonding moments. I'm beginning to suspect you love Penzo more than you ever loved me. I'll never forget the night where you went running into the living room in your boxers to tell Penzo we were going to Disneyland on Fourth of July... I thought it was so funny but now looking at the situation it's weird as fuck. You know those boxers do you a favor. Why would you want to go show your friend? You also bitch about how much you hate Disneyland, so why would you go running in the middle of the night to tell him about it as if you actually liked to go? And don't even get me started on one of the texts you sent me on that Disneyland trip while I was working... "Did I stutter?" Fuck, I don't know. You do have a fucking stutter. Maybe you did. Moving past all that, you never asked me how my day was. I would usually just have to start talking about my day. I would ask how yours is, but you'd go on for hours about how this guy is lazy, you hate this guy, here's a bunch of drama that I honestly didn't care about, but I sat and listened anyway. Remember when you'd spend time after work drinking with Josh? I should've left you then. What's hilarious is Jessica called you an alcoholic. That's the pot calling the kettle black. No wonder you two are like best friends. What's funny is everyone thinks you two are fucking. You probably are. She tried to sympathize with you because her Stephen is a lazy piece of shit who barely works and doesn't do anything to better himself. Here's the difference: when I barely worked, I was getting my bachelors. I had constantly been looking for jobs, doing interviews, and trying to do therapy. I washed the dishes when you cooked, as promised. Don't ever say I did nothing because I was always doing something. Anyways, I always found it weird how much you tried to push Jessica and I together. It's like you wanted an excuse to see her. Maybe you did.

I remember when I told you I was giving my stole to grandma because she helped me get my bachelor's and you had the audacity to say "What about me?" And said you encouraged me to do my homework. Laughable. You are really the one who thinks he's better than anyone. You even said that about people at work. "He's so slow, I could've done it in less time". Good for you. Don't you ever try to say I'm the one who thinks I'm better than everyone when you're over here saying shit like that.

You are so lucky I am such a nice person. I could've burned your whole life to the ground. What do you think your father and employer would think if they found out you were doing cocaine again? I could've told Braelen all the nasty things you've said about his fiancé. Do you think he'd still be your friend after that? I honestly could've sued you for emotional abuse and trauma, but it wouldn't have been worth my time. You stole physical items from me; from my lamp to my clothes. You stole my time from me, all 4 and a half years of it. You stole money from me via all the things you promised to pay for from your Spotify to your Six Flags pass. Don't you ever come at me again. I know I'm not perfect, and I definitely don't think I'm better than everyone else. But after looking at all this shit laid on out the table, I think I'm better than you. I wouldn't have left you the way you left me because I actually loved you. I was seriously so excited to be engaged to you, that's why I constantly bugged you about it. I just wanted to get married and start a life together. I'm so fucking glad you showed me your true colors before that happened. I can't imagine trying to coparent with someone like you. Like I always said, I'm sure I could've gotten custody but I would never want my child to be hurt by you the way you hurt me. The lying, the yelling, the games.

I read something about how if someone really loves you they'd never do anything to hurt you. I know you say I hurt you, but like I said before I don't know how. And I can't fix the problem unless you tell me. You hurt me, didn't even try to fight for me. You left me without a bed for fucks sake. If I were in your position, I know I would have given you time to figure out where the fuck you were going instead of leaving you without a bed. No matter what fucked up shit you did, I was always willing to fight for you. You didn't have a job for two years and I stuck around for you. I don't have a job for four months and you start preparing to run away. You and I are not the same. 

If you ever really loved me, you would've fought for me. But you gave up. You don't give up on the people you love.