Beyond The Fine Line

Chapter XX - Chemistry of Attraction

The fluorescent light buzzed softly overhead, casting a bright glow across the garage. Izzy wiped his hands on a rag, satisfied with the car repairs he had just completed. He glanced over at Sean, who had just descended the stairs and slumped onto the sofa with a deep sigh. It was clear that something had been weighing on Sean's mind for the past fortnight.

As the caring older brother, Izzy fetched a beer from the fridge and placed it on the coffee table before joining Sean, leaning casually against a nearby column. He gave Sean a reassuring nod, silently encouraging him to open up whenever he was ready.

"Izzy...," Sean started, his voice somewhat small. "What if... I'm not... entirely straight?"

Izzy rested his hand on Sean's head and leaned closer, peering into his dark, anxious eyes. There was a relaxed smile on his face, offering his little brother comfort. "Are you trying to ask me if anything between us changes because you have a thing for Jay?"

Sean instinctively pushed his hand away. "W-what?! No... It's... Yes..."

He plopped on the sofa beside him and sighed. Izzy could understand where Sean was coming from. Thailand wasn't as tolerant as it's portrayed to be. "I have known you since you were five, Sean. And nothing will change just because you discovered you are into guys... or one specific guy," he added with a cheeky smile, showing him he honestly didn't mind. "You are my little brother, and until you can stand on your own two feet, this is your home."

"Thanks," he muttered without looking at him.

"So, what is going on between you two?"

"To be honest, I don't know," Sean sighed, grabbing a beer from the table. "I'm not sure if I even know what's going on with me, Izzy. It feels right when he is around... seeing him topless is a massive turn-on, but..."

"But?" Izzy questioned when Sean remained silent for a while.

"I don't get him," he replied with another heavy sigh. "He seems into it, but then he constantly tries to push me away. Not to mention, he keeps changing topics if the conversation gets too personal for him. It feels like he is constantly on guard, and as soon as he catches himself that he got too close, he withdraws. I'm not sure what to think about it."

"Maybe he is not into guys?"

"Oh, believe me, he is," Sean chuckled, remembering their last conversation.

Izzy sipped his beer with a thoughtful expression. Sean seemed confused about himself, which was understandable when your sexual orientation turned out to be different than what you always believed. Maybe Jay sensed it and decided to play it safe? "I guess before you try to figure out what he wants, you need to decide what you want."

Sean sighed again. "It's not like I have feelings for him or anything... but I want to know how it feels to...," Sean paused for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. "I don't know, Izzy... I'm curious, maybe? Ugh... why he needs to be so hot?! It would be much easier if he wasn't so perfect..." he trailed off and hid his face in his hands. "God, I can't believe I'm talking about this with you."

Izzy couldn't help but burst out laughing, but seeing Sean's deadly glare peaking between his fingers stopped him. "Simple question, do you miss him?"

"I guess?"

"Do you enjoy spending time with him?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to get to know him better?"

"Definitely."

"Would you be satisfied with just being friends?"

"I don't think so..."