Beyond The Fine Line

Chapter XXXII - Reason To Stay

The late afternoon sun filtered through the wide-open curtains, casting long, golden beams across the dark, muted tones of the bedroom. The space, with its understated elegance and sophisticated decor, seemed to hold its breath, absorbing the intensity of the moment. The gentle hum of the air conditioning provided a delicate counterpoint to the silence that had fallen between them.

The simplicity of Sean's suggestion resonated with him, offering a sense of belonging he never truly had. Even though there was nothing simple about it. Jay was still unsure what Sean expected from him, as if part of him was waiting for conditions to follow. Attention was rarely free. There was always something to give in return, be it perfect grades or sex. As a result, in his eyes, life was one endless transaction. Yet, Sean didn't ask for anything. It was baffling and unsettling, but deep underneath, there was a strong undercurrent of relief telling him that Sean was different, just like those few people in his life who never left.

"You know there is a slight difference when you space out due to lack of sleep and when you are lost in thoughts? Right here," Sean said lightly, gently pressing his finger against almost an unnoticeable crease between Jay's eyebrows.

"Is there?" Jay asked, slipping back into his more laid-back and nonchalant demeanour.

Sean nodded. "Just like you always switch to this expression when you want to dodge the conversation."

Jay smiled faintly. The way Sean started to understand him felt different from anyone else. It was like comfort and a safety net, allowing him to withdraw but at the same time pulling him in.

"I'm not going to force you into anything you don't want, but I'm also past the point where I could just let you go without a fight," Sean explained, gazing at their intertwined fingers. "Before you, everything seemed easy but also fake. It all just happened in passing without leaving any lingering impression. But you make everything different. It's surreal, and yet I can't look away. It's not easy, but it's worth every bit of effort... because you deserve so much more, Jay."

Deep inside, he knew this wasn't true – that someone like him didn't deserve Sean or his unconditional affection. But the recent weeks had worn him down, leaving him tired and unable to put up the fight with himself anymore. As if on instinct, he leaned forward, burying his face in the crook of Sean's neck. It was a rather startling realisation that, after years of relying on various coping mechanisms, this had become his source of comfort. The warmth of Sean's skin and his spicy, smoky scent with refreshing notes were like a comforting blanket Jay didn't even know he needed. The way Sean's free arm wrapped around him, followed by a lingering kiss on the top of his head, was soothing and relaxing, like coming home after a long, weary journey. It made him believe that maybe, just maybe, he could have something like this.

Sean smiled softly as Jay sunk deeper into his arms. Then, mindful of Victor's advice, he added, "You don't need to answer now. Take all the time you need. I'll wait for you."

"Did anyone ever tell you that you have the patience of a saint?"

"It's actually the opposite," he chuckled lightly, caressing Jay's bare back. "You're the only person I have patience for."

Jay sighed, his breath sending a shiver down Sean's spine. "You should have run in the opposite direction to preserve your sanity."

"It's a bit too late for that now," he said, gently lifting Jay's chin and looking into his turbulent brown eyes. "Because this one week without seeing you already drove me insane."

"You are impossible, you know that?"

"You mean irresistible?" Sean countered playfully, leaning in closer.