Beyond The Fine Line

Chapter LXX - Things We Didn't See Coming

A dim hush settled over the gym, the padded floor absorbing even the faintest sound. Floor-to-ceiling windows framed the quiet world outside, where the first threads of dawn stretched across the sky, pushing back the lingering darkness. Pale light filtered in, casting soft, uneven shadows along the climbing holds organised in muted bursts of colour. The air carried the faint scent of chalk and rubber, a quiet reminder of movement and effort, though for now, everything remained still, caught in the space between night and day.

This had always been his safe place where he would sink into a beanbag by the windows with his sweets stash, watching the city unfold below. But this time was different. Dressed only in loose joggers, he sat cross-legged in the middle of the room, lost in thought, his fingers still covered in chalk. He was absentmindedly playing with a black band on his finger – rotating it back and forth – a habit he had developed whenever he had too much on his mind or missed Sean. It felt like a comforting and tangible connection to a person who was his everything... and who turned his world upside down.

His upbringing had given him everything except the one thing that mattered. Material wealth was never in question, but emotions were a luxury he was never afforded. Growing up in Westminster's dorms with an obscene allowance only reinforced it. He had the means to do whatever he wanted, yet no real emotional foundation beyond that.

No one had ever indulged his moods or temper. On the contrary, he wasn't allowed to have any. It didn't suit the Anderson family's heir. He had learned that early and adapted, then compartmentalisation became second nature, each feeling locked away in neat, untouched boxes. No whims, no tempers, no irrationality – just cold detachment.

But now, those boxes were gone, and he was still learning to navigate the space they left behind. This new reality where he was allowed to feel, allowed to be unreasonable, even. The strangest part wasn't that he felt these things but that the person by his side was willing to indulge him. Spoil him in a way no one ever had.

Part of him enjoyed it – the unquestioning way Sean cared for him, the way he could let his guard down without consequences. It was almost encouraging to see how far he could push. But it was a very precarious and fine line they were treading, the one that shouldn't be crossed. Because the biggest part of him resisted it entirely, seeing it as a threat to the independence and self-sufficiency that had defined him for so long.

Besides, he wasn't naïve and understood how easily dynamics could shift, how something well-intentioned could turn into something else entirely. The last thing he wanted was for Sean to start seeing him as someone who needed managing, someone fragile. It wasn't just about pride, though, that played its part – it was about them, about what they had. Their relationship worked because it was balanced, and they never treated themselves as anything less than their equal partners. If that balance tipped, if Sean started seeing him as something to take care of rather than simply be with, then what did that mean for them?

Suddenly, familiar warmth surrounded him, pulling him out of his thoughts as he instinctively leaned on Sean's chest, sinking into the comfort of his bare skin.

"What were you thinking about?"

Jay remained silent for a moment, playing with Sean's fingers. "Us."

"Oh? What about us?" Sean continued, kissing the top of his head.

In the past, a question like this would be filled with hesitation, betraying Sean's worry that something between them was wrong. Now, there was nothing else but confidence and tenderness.

"I was wondering... why do you keep entertaining my shitty mood."

"Because I love you," Sean said, hugging him tighter. "Despite your sweet tooth, you have always been disciplined about what you eat, keeping it balanced with your training. But now, with everything going on, it's like you're struggling to find that same control, and things you care about the most have suffered. I would never leave you to deal with it alone... especially when you resist reason."