Beyond The Fine Line

Chapter XXXVI - Crack In The Wall

The afternoon sun filtered through the canopy of palm trees, casting dappled shadows on the winding path. The air was thick with the heat of Bangkok's summer, making the leaves glisten with a sheen of humidity. The stillness was almost palpable, broken only by the distant hum of city life, creating a serene yet subtly oppressive atmosphere. Despite the vibrant green around, an underlying sense of quiet loneliness lingered, as if the park itself was holding its breath, waiting for something to break the silence.

Jay didn't even remember the last time someone said that they loved him... or if anyone ever did. As a result, Sean's words hit him like a tidal wave, washing over his carefully constructed walls. Disbelief was followed by a surge of internal panic, accompanied by a deeply ingrained reminder that it was impossible for anyone to love someone like him.

The confession felt like both a lifeline and a burden, pulling Jay in two directions at once. His mind screamed to run, to protect himself and Sean from inevitable pain. Yet, buried deep within, a fierce longing fought to break free, urging him to stay.

Despite the storm inside, Jay's expression remained stoic. Keeping his emotions in check had always been his strength, but now that control was slipping away. The walls he had built so meticulously trembled under the force of his repressed feelings. It was as if the very foundations of his self-control were crumbling. Every fibre of his being urged to retreat behind the barriers that had kept him safe for so long. But the more he tried to cling to his old defences, the more futile it seemed.

Suddenly, everything vanished, replaced by the softest pressure on his lips - a slow and sensual kiss that gently pulled him away from the edge. It was an anchor, grounding him in the present moment... a patient and tender reminder that he was no longer alone.

"There you are," Sean said softly, still holding his jaw and looking into much clearer eyes now. "I won't apologise for saying it because no matter what you think, loving you is the easiest thing I've ever done. I just want you to be more selfish... say it when something bothers you or you want something."

The idea of voicing his own needs and desires was alien to him for well over a decade, as experience taught him that doing so only led to disappointment. Being self-sufficient and never needing anything from anyone became his norm - a norm very hard to break from. His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he searched for the right response to deflect the conversation away from this uncomfortable territory. But then his thoughts suddenly paused. Sean deserved better than this, even if each word about to leave his lips felt like a small rebellion against the walls he had built.

"I don't really know how to do that, Sean," he admitted, his tone carefully controlled to mask the turmoil beneath. "I've always just... managed on my own."

It wasn't hard to figure this out on his own, but hearing Jay say it felt like massive progress, even if it was just a tiny step forward. Sean didn't need to know all the reasons why Jay was like this, seeing him trying was enough. All he had to do was be patient without pushing too hard and show Jay that he didn't have to manage everything alone anymore.

"Maybe start with something small. Would you rather stay here or visit a teahouse nearby? They are known for high-quality teas and Japanese-style desserts."

"We can stay here."

"Why?" Sean asked instantly, his eyes never leaving Jay's face.

Brown eyes flickered with confusion. "You are not big on tea or sweets and I like it here."

Sean took a slow, deep breath and smiled at him. "For someone who doesn't do relationships, you're probably the most thoughtful and considerate person to be with," he said, lacing their fingers together. "You always help me with everything and make things easy for me. I really appreciate it, but it bothers me that you don't think I want to do the same for you."